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Mr Nobody is one of the most common people that seem to be around. The Smiths and Jones appear to be a diminishing surname.

Regards,

The day finally came when the management forced me to give this guy a saturday afternoon. I was to replace him at 6 pm, after three "Lion King" shows, and the management was pretty adamant about using him, in spite of my protests. I'd been rather vocal in my criticism, too, so they even went as far as to have a tech check the theatre that same morning to ensure that I hadn't made the extra's life any harder it should be...

I hadn't. I knew he'd take care of it all by himself.

At 6 pm, I strolled down to my theatre and was met outside by one very angry usher. He asked me who the hell the idiot in the booth was, and could I please just shoot him right now. The whole staff would be glad to help me hide the body and come up with an explanation in case anyone missed him. Patrons had been out to complain the whole afternoon. Three shows and 1500 people of which a remarkably high number had been out at least once.

I didn't have to repair that much after him, actually, and it didn't cost the company more than a hundred or so. Some mechanical adjustments to the gates and the installing of some minor spare parts, was all. The note inside the Dolby processor ("KEEP OUT!") had obviously scared him off there.

This one individual thought that he knew everything. One day the lamp won't light. He swears up and down that it is the bulb. And he was going to change it. The Asst. manager gets on the phone with me and tells me what is going on. I tell her to stop this guy from changing the bulb. By the time I get there, 45 minutes later, he had removed the bulb. This is from a Christie CK console. He never took the coverplate off of the plenum. He knew that the bulb screwed in from the new one that he had, but he couldn't figure out how to get the old one out. So he used pliers to remove it. Grasping the end of the bulb and turning it until it came out. Then he put the new bulb in as far as it could go. Thankfully, he did not try to use the pliers on the new bulb.

Now can anyone guess why the lamp wouldn't light?

Not a diode.

Not that the breakers were not turned on.

He had turned off the roof exhaust fan switch that was by the platter while he was threading up.

About ten years ago, I got a call from the booth of the cinema across the street. The projectionist, an extra who had the honor of running that booth for four consecutive days starting that night, said he had heard strange noises from the lamphouse and was becoming a bit worried.

Helpful as I am, I went over as soon as I could, and quickly realised that the cooling fans above the pair of U3s (Nick, are you listening?) had worn ball bearings. Nothing serious but a bit annoying.

So did I tell him that? No, where was the fun in that? I told him that one of the bulbs was probably about to go out in flames any day now, and that he should be careful.

"So what do I do?" he asked.
"Nothing," I said. "If it goes, it goes. Just don't stay too close when it explodes because it might hurt your ears. It's a helluva blast."
"But... but I have to thread them, don't I? I have shows to run."
"Yeah, I guess you have to."
"So... when is it most likely to go, then?"
"Oh, when you ignite it, probably."

I went back to start my next show and immediately called some key colleagues the poor sod was bound to call to double-check me. I filled them in and they were only too happy to play.

And of course he called the others. They told him earnestly that yeah, it sounded like the bulb was about to explode, and yeah, it would be wise to keep some distance from the machines whenever possible.

For the next four days, he threaded the projectors with absolute dread, certain that this show was going to be his last, and just wanted to get out in one piece. We never told him, either.

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Then I went on holiday and during the opening weekend of 'Speed' a lamp failed with anode pitting.

She did everything right - nearly. Told management she wasn't opening the lamphouse for at least half an hour. Wore full protective garb. Got old lamp into plastic tube and safely stored for later disposal. Fitted new lamp. Closed up lamphouse, audience are admitted, show starts.

Can't I get something more challenging?

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John P. Pytlak, Senior Technical Specialist
Worldwide Technical Services, Entertainment Imaging
Eastman Kodak Company
Research Labs, Building 69, Room 7419
Rochester, New York, 14650-1922 USA
Tel: 716-477-5325 Fax: 716-722-7243
E-Mail: john.pytlak@kodak.com

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