She told me to “put it in an envelope” and she would “pop it in the post-box on my way out...”

Naturally I led her by the hand into the projection box, pointed to the film cans and said “Go on then, that’s it there.”

With about 3 wraps left to go through the brain, he removed one of the suction cups and played around with it for a moment, then tossed it into the brain causing an immedieate snag and break of the pre-polyester stock.

Shocked, I cut the tail moved the print with him and asked why he had done it. His response was that he "liked to see a projectionist hustle for a change." My response was to inform him that if he ever did anything like that again I would forcibly remove his genitalia and force them past his esophogus.

Don't worry, the tail was re-attached before I went home at the end of the night. OF course the manager went on to much success in the company before being forced out 5 years later. And there was much rejoicing.

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Another funny story relates to the ABCinema+D on Town Hall sq. in Copenhagen. I cannot remember the title of the film, but I was standing in the doorway looking at the commercials and trailers when a gentleman asked med to "fast forward and get on with the film!!", as he had a train to catch after the film.

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Cheers, Thomas
..in70mm - The 70mm Newsletter
www.in70mm.com www.dp70.com www.70mm.dk www.hauerslev.com http://hjem.get2net.dk/in70mm

In the middle of a film festival, this lady showed up in the booth. When I had confirmed that I was indeed the projectionist, she asked me to please raise the screen about half a meter as soon as I could, because she was a bit on the short side and couldn't read the subtitles.

I had to bite my tongue so I wouldn't laugh.

One of their guys was a real head case, a pathological liar, & was constantly attempting to represent himself as knowledgable in various specialized areas he knew little or nothing about, & didn't want to learn about, either. He told the manager he had been a *licensed* electrician but had to quit when his eyesight got worse (?) and now wanted to also be projectionist at this PAC. His eyes go bad & he can't be a licensed electrician anymore, but he wants to be a projectionist?

The PAC had a well-known & respected cinema service come in & give the theater a spec for a new booth installation.

I came in one day, & one of the guys said "Hey, go up onstage & speak to (the doofus). He burned the screen with the lights."

So I put on my anesthetized face (really, what are you going to say to somebody who takes an electric ALL THE WAY OUT to the top of the fly tower where the screen is, then TURNS ON THE LIGHTS ON THE ELECTRIC WHILE IT'S UP THERE) & I was ready to just nod my head while he talked. I go up there & say to him, "So & so says you want to talk to me".

And then the weird torrent of BS began. He didn't even start to talk about the screen, he was just had an audience & cranked up his pathological liar act.

He said, "Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about the spec that they got for the theater. You need to tell the manager that the guys who do the installation need to give us a point to tie in the auditorium PA with the movie sound."

Umm, why?

"Well, you see, those guys don't understand how the near & far fields work in a house like this. We need to adjust their EQ as needed for movies in this house, & we should be able to use their surround speakers as part of our PA in live shows."

I point out that the company would do the EQ when they installed the equipment.

He replied "They don't know how to do this. I mean they're good, but at just movie theaters, they don't know anything about big old theaters like this."

It's a company that's done a number of PAC's originally built as movie palaces, & does them well. I say, umm, the manager gave me a copy of the spec they made, & there were no surround speakers in it.

He gives a smarmy, indulgent smile. "Oh, they were in a later addendum they faxed to me. You probably didn't see it."

I said, "Oh." And asked if there was any clarification about the screen speakers. The spec seemed to have two screen speakers.

Doofus says, "Oh, yes, it will be stereo".

I say the odd thing is that the spec seemed to have two screen speakers, & usually it's three speakers if stereo, & 1 speaker in mono.

He smiles the smarmy indulgent smile again, rolls his eyes, & says to me in the voice of explaining something to a child:

"Well, that depends on whether they put in THX or Dolby Pro-Logic."

Oh, ah. Okay, I've got to run, I don't know what's left on the parking meter.

This idiot, one day when I showed up, was trying to find a circuit & switch to turn on some house lights. I said, hold on, I've got a circuit tracer & I'll go get it.

He says, "No, I'll tell you how to find a circuit, but you have to sacrifice a light switch. You put the light switch across the line, then turn the switch on. The short destroys the switch, but you find the circuit by finding which fuse blew."

So while half my brain is fighting with the impulse to yell "What kind of dumbass throws a dead short across cotton covered wiring in a 70 year old building?", I point out to him that it wouldn't work because he was trying to locate the circuit to turn it ON, & there was no juice in it.

"Ooooh, yeahhh, right."

Licensed electrician, he told the manager.