Film-Tech Forum ARCHIVE: Going out to a film reminds me why I much prefer to stay in

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Topic: Going out to a film reminds me why I much prefer to stay in

Jeffry L. Johnson
Jedi Master Film Handler

Posts: 809
From: Cleveland, Ohio, USA
Registered: Apr 2000

posted 01-28-2003 02:52 PM

here

Home Technology with Bill Lammers

Going out to a film reminds me why I much
prefer to stay in

01/16/03

My wife, Nancy, and I went to our first movie theater together six
months after we were married, a year and a half after our first
date. Somehow during our whole courtship, we managed to
avoid that dating tradition of dinner and a movie.

There were plenty of movies in our lives, but they all were shown
in my home. She saw such classics as "Citizen Kane" and
"Apocalypse Now" for the first time as played on my laser disc player, "Casablanca" on the
satellite dish and "Taxi Driver" on DVD. I saw the animated "Jungle Book" for the first time
from her daughters' videotape.

We have a life filled with
entertainment, but for the most part
it has been home entertainment.

On the first weekend of the New
Year, we managed to make it to
only our third theater movie in the
3? years that we have known each
other. It was a matinee of Martin
Scorsese's "Gangs of New York."
Big budget, big scenery, big
publicity - I figured we had to see it
on the big screen.

Big mistake.

If ever I needed a rationalization for
spending so much money on home
entertainment equipment and
programming, I got it that day at my
western suburban multiplex.

For the first half-hour of the movie,
the sound track dragged. Many of
the opening scenes of the movie
were without dialogue, so when the narrator sounded like Darth Vader on Quaaludes, I
figured it was just Daniel Day-Lewis immersing himself in the role, pulling another
chameleonlike job with his voice.

Imagine my surprise when I later found out that the narrator's voice belonged to Leonardo
DiCaprio, not Day-Lewis.

As the music came in and dragged, too, we realized that something was wrong and that no
one was volunteering to fix the problem. I went to the lobby and found a manager. She
made a call to the projection room. I missed about 10 minutes of the movie doing this.

Someone else in the theater also must have found a responsible person, because when I
returned, Nancy said that the sound had cleared up about a minute after I left the room.

All was forgiven - well, mostly it was forgiven - and we watched the rest of the film. I'm a
credit watcher - somewhat to Nancy's irritation - so we were the last two people remaining in
the theater as the movie was ending.

As the credits rolled, the one contemporary song from the movie's soundtrack, U2's "The
Hands That Built America," became just as garbled as the opening half-hour of sound had
been. Then, as the house lights came on and the credits became impossible to read, the
projectionist speeded up the film, making Bono sound like Pee-wee Herman with a hernia.

All the while this was going on, two theater employees hovered over us, waiting to swoop
down and clear our seats before the movie had fully ended. When I pointed out the bad
sound to them and told them about the earlier problem, the best I got was a shrug.

Bear in mind that we were being herded along at 3 p.m. The next showing was at 3:50 p.m.
We left with my deep-seated need to read every last credit unfulfilled.

Even with matinee prices, the cost of the movie, popcorn, coffee and Sour Patch Kids was
more than $20. That's about how much the DVD of "Gangs of New York" will cost in six or
nine or 12 months from now, when it is released in a special collector's edition with
documentaries, interviews and other extras.

This is why I spend so much time making my home entertainment system work well. This is
why I spend hours tweaking sound levels in the 6.1 surround-sound system. This is why I
scan Internet sites for release dates of DVDs. This is why I'm comparison shopping for my
eventual move into high-definition television. This is why I spend about $100 a month for the
full boat of service from DirecTV to be delivered to four rooms of my home.

Because Nancy works days and I work nights, we usually get only two nights and two days
together. The last thing I need to do is have one of those afternoons marred by a bad time
at a movie theater run by children and slackers with little idea of what quality service means.

When the sound doesn't synchronize with the lips on a DVD movie at home, I can fix that.
When the satellite goes out in the middle of "Oz" on HBO, I can sweep the snow from the
satellite dish. If the actors whisper or shout, I can adjust my sound system to fit my own
taste.

When Nancy has to avert her eyes from Day-Lewis and his meat cleaver - she's a nurse and
can't bear to watch on-screen mutilation - she can bury her head in a pillow on the couch
instead of peeking from behind her interlaced fingers.

Plus, I can make my own blankety-blank popcorn with real butter.

As we drove home from the theater and I ranted about the experience, Nancy said, "You
know, they ought to just release movies directly onto DVDs. I bet they would make just as
much money."

I wish that were true. I think the reality is that true movie lovers pay twice for a movie - once
in the theater and once to rent or buy the DVD or tape for home use. What I saw - and the
portion I heard - of "Gangs of New York" certainly will make me pre-order the DVD when the
release date is announced.

In the meantime, I'll be watching "The King of Comedy," another Scorsese masterpiece that
was released about 20 years ago. The DVD came out in December after a long wait by
Scorsese fans and the Jerry Lewis faithful.

The Lammers family premiere is scheduled for 7:10 p.m. Limited seating available. All the
popcorn we can eat. And an intermission whenever we want one.

Lammers is a Plain Dealer assistant news editor.

To reach this Plain Dealer reporter:

blammers@plaind.com, 216-999-4162

© 2003 The Plain Dealer.