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Topic: Hostel (2005)
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Sam Graham
AKA: "The Evil Sam Graham". Wackiness ensues.
Posts: 1431
From: Waukee, IA
Registered: Dec 2004
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posted 01-09-2006 04:25 PM
CINEMA: Century 20 at Jordan Creek, West Des Moines, IA
AUDITORIUM: 10
PRESENTATION: Dolby Digital/THX
PRESENTATION PROBLEMS: Slighly shaky picture
RATING: Two and one half stars (out of four)
WARNING: Control the pet population. Have your Spoilers spayed or neutered.
I've been walking around with minor sinus blockage and a headache for about a week now. The cold finally hit full-on over the weekend. So this morning before I go to work, I find a package of store-brand cold/allergy relief stuff in the bathroom. Little white pills. I take one and vamoose. The pills are...weird. My sinuses clear up and the headache is gone, but I feel like I'm wasted or something. The front of my face is numb. And I'm kind of feeling paranoid.
Two hours at the office later, I walk into my boss's office and say "I need to leave." I'm walking very slow by now. She says "Feel better". I go home and take another one of these pills. Then I sleep for three hours and have some seriously messed up dreams.
So I wake up and sit in my chair with my eyes shut. My mind is a complete void. I'm moving very slowly. verrrrry slooooly. And suddenly the solution to my problems is to to go see "Hostel". Perhaps a horror flick will be just the thing to cure me. I take ANOTHER pill and head for the Century.
The ticket seller says "Flahhb lahhb flur flom flaahhb?" and I just stare. Because I can't remember why I'm here, mostly. Oh yeah. "One for Hostel".
Then I went to the snack bar. The SELF-SERVE snack bar. Which is confusing enough when I'm coherent. I somehow ended up with a hot dog and an ICEE. Mmmm. ICEE.
Available seats: 500. Attendance: 6. I think. I should just go up in front of the screen and lay down. "Brokeback Mountain" is playing next door, and there's some SERIOUS subwoofer leakage coming from there. Must be the sex scene.
Anyway, the trailers started, the sound immersed me, I sort of closed my eyes periodically, and suddenly everything was better. Except that the trailers that played before the feature all seemed like the most awesome movies ever. I'm pretty sure they weren't. One of them is from "WWE Films". The wrestling company. Those guys need to hire a new sound mixer. That trailer has NO punch to it at all.
Oh yeah...The movie starts out with some classic rock song, which about a minute into, I realized I was singing out loud. Oops.
"Hostel" is about three guys who are on a sex, drugs, and rock n' roll vacation in Europe. They meet a guy in Amsterdam who hooks them up with a hostel in...uh...Slovakia. Yeah. Slovakia. So they go there, hook up with some women who are willing and who share little white pills that look just like mine! NO! DON'T TAKE THE LITTLE WHITE PILLS! They have an awesome time, and start disappearing. The rest of the movie involves a roving gang of bubble-gum stealing children, lots of bondage, and lots body parts. It's super neato.
The whole point of the movie is largely given away at the one hour mark, though a little of the premise is left for the end. There's lots of grossout and lots more tease of grossout (because we've got to keep the "R" rating, you know). They supposedly cut a bunch of stuff out of the final feature, which should make for an interesting DVD release.
It probably would have been better if it were made by some crazy Europeans and came here as an import. It's a little too Americanized. But as far as horror movies go, it's a pretty good one.
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Robert Burtcher
Expert Film Handler
Posts: 194
From: Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted 01-22-2006 06:22 AM
Achtung! Spoiler... Kinda.
I didn't think Hostel was all that great. The amount of blood was rediculous (Cut off my hand so I can put out this 3-alarm fire!), and since when is there a gallon of orange pus in the freaking OPTIC NERVE?! The chainsaw was a big (like 2HP) model with a tiny bar on it... They didn't do too well at hiding the newness or awkwardness of it. And as well, since when to chainsaws run at full speed when the throttle trigger isn't being pressed? And WTF is up with the woman who suddenly loses all will to live when she sees the reflection of her one-eyed, burnt up face? And, gee, they sure were able to ignore their incredible pain incredibly well. The reaction shot of the people getting splattered with blood when the girl jumps in front of the train is comic at best. Gallons of blood apparently erupt from your body if you're hit by an oncoming train. Kooky.
Suspend *any* sense of reality, and sure, it's a good scary movie. Otherwise, it's just fake and unconvincing, fit more for the MST3K treatment.
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Dave Williams
Wet nipple scene
Posts: 1836
From: Salt Lake City, UT, USA
Registered: Jan 2000
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posted 01-22-2006 06:27 PM
I liked this movie, quite a bit actually. So please take this all the right way. I just love to bitch that's all!! ![[evil]](graemlins/evil.gif)
Nothing but love for ya... And potential spoilers..
This is not everyone's style of movie however....
quote:
The amount of blood was rediculous (Cut off my hand so I can put out this 3-alarm fire!)
I am having a hard time remembering the scene where someone puts out a fire after getting their hand cut off. I could have been flinching. ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
quote:
since when is there a gallon of orange pus in the freaking OPTIC NERVE?!
I thought it was white actually. It could have turned slightly orange after mixing with the blood. It looked more like a few cc's instead of a gallon though. Once again, I was probably flinching. ![[uhoh]](graemlins/uhoh.gif)
quote: Robert Burtcher
since when to chainsaws run at full speed when the throttle trigger isn't being pressed?
It's easy if there is a mechanical malfunction and the trigger jams into place. Could be a great lawsuit if the guy wants to press charges. ![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
quote: Robert Burtcher
WTF is up with the woman who suddenly loses all will to live when she sees the reflection of her one-eyed, burnt up face?
She is Japanese. The old culture had a lot of suicide build into it if one felt they were a dishonor or a disgrace. Even if it may not be as highly evident or practiced as in centuries past, it is still there and after seeing her face, she could have felt she was a dishonor and decided to end her life. quote: Robert Burtcher
they sure were able to ignore their incredible pain incredibly well
While the direction could have been improved for the actors pain reactions, however do please take into account that after a massive influx of pain, the body will react by releasing endorphines which allows a person to deal with the pain for a short period. Suffer an intense burst of pain and you will experience it and understand. ![[puke]](graemlins/puke.gif)
quote: Robert Burtcher
The reaction shot of the people getting splattered with blood when the girl jumps in front of the train is comic at best. Gallons of blood apparently erupt from your body if you're hit by an oncoming train. Kooky.
It's a cheesy horror movie and you expected different? What's a horror movie without 37 gallons of blood simultaneously being squished out of one human being onto a crowd of bystanders?
quote: Robert Burtcher
Suspend *any* sense of reality, and sure, it's a good scary movie. Otherwise, it's just fake and unconvincing, fit more for the MST3K treatment.
Well it IS a movie. I think that as a movie it begs the complete suspense of all definitions of reality.
Unless of course Harry Potter is real. In which case I am in deep shit after I picked on that one short kid with the funny glasses.
Ciao!
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Robert Burtcher
Expert Film Handler
Posts: 194
From: Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted 01-23-2006 09:16 PM
quote:
quote:
The amount of blood was rediculous (Cut off my hand so I can put out this 3-alarm fire!)
I am having a hard time remembering the scene where someone puts out a fire after getting their hand cut off. I could have been flinching. [Eek!]
Well, to be honest, I was being sort of sarchastic. ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif) In a few scenes, you can see a body part or two being chopped off, and a disporportionally large amount of blood forcefully squirts out. So in my mind, I made the connection that if you were to chop off someone's hand in the movie, it would be spraying blood like a fire hose.
quote:
quote:
since when is there a gallon of orange pus in the freaking OPTIC NERVE?!
I thought it was white actually. It could have turned slightly orange after mixing with the blood. It looked more like a few cc's instead of a gallon though. Once again, I was probably flinching. [uhoh]
Yeah, you're right, it was more whiteish. The reason why I brought this up is because I was under the impression that the optic nerve did not contain any fluid, let alone a white pus-like substance. After research, I discovered that there actually is fluid in there - spinal fluid, to be exact. So my point is now moot and is withdrawn. =)
As for the other things... point taken. I had not given much thought to the idea of a jammed throttle on the chainsaw, and I didn't even think about the Japanese culture idea.
Yeah... It was a pretty cheezy movie. I think it could have been better if it were done much more realistically, along the lines of Saw / Saw II.
For what it is, it is a pretty fair movie. I was still cringing quite a bit, even if my brain was going, "WTF?! That's not right!"
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Nice nudity ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
HeHe. I get excited at that sort of thing you know 
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