Film-Tech Forum ARCHIVE: The Condemned (2007)

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Topic: The Condemned (2007)

Jason Winn
Expert Film Handler

Posts: 131
From: Mesquite, TX, USA
Registered: Jan 2006

posted 04-27-2007 10:03 PM

What can I say? It was pretty predictable. It was alright. It wasn't terrible, but it wasn't great either. It was definitely the best WWE movie so far, but that's not saying much. Stone Cold basically played the same character he's been playing in WWE since 1996. So, I can't really critique his acting abilities. Not a bad movie if you just wanna kill a couple hours.

I give it 2.5 out of 4 stars. Would've been 3 stars, but Stone Cold never drank beer or stunned anyone! [Mad]

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Sam Graham
AKA: "The Evil Sam Graham". Wackiness ensues.

Posts: 1431
From: Waukee, IA
Registered: Dec 2004

posted 04-28-2007 05:00 PM

CINEMA: Cinemark Movies 12, Ames, IA
AUDITORIUM: 11
PRESENTATION: 35mm/Mystery Meat Digital
PRESENTATION PROBLEMS: None [Cool]

RATING: Three stars (out of four)

WARNING: "It's a very simple game. Kill...or Spoilers."

Wife #1 returns from the snack bar: "They recommended sitting this on napkins."

Wife #1 demands extra "butter" on the popcorn. Last week, when the guy ahead of her in line said he didn't want butter on his popcorn, Wife #1 told Snack Bar Guy that she wanted "that guy's butter, my butter, and extra butter on top of that."

He was happy to oblige. Today's bag stained through three napkins. Just about perfect.

WWE wrestler Stone Cold Steve Austin plays Steven Seagal in a movie about ten death row inmates dropped on a remote island where they star in a reality program pay-per-view broadcast on the web. They're supposed to kill each other. Last one standing wins. Like all Seagal characters, Austin's character is really retired super groovy special forces with some lame excuse for being the good guy.

Two of the "condemned" characters are actually recognizable...Austin, and that guy who played Juggernaut in X-Men 3. I bet you can't POSSIBLY guess who the last two standing are gonna be. If you're a WWE smark, you will laugh your ass off to hear that, of all the ex wrestlers they could have given work to, Nathan Jones gets a cameo.

The contestants have ankle bracelets with bombs built in. Most of the contestants get blown up, which is awesome.

There's a rape scene, which we spend most of focused on the production crew debating televising such a thing. There's a sappy moral speech at the end by a reporter that had me in stitches. And there's a scene where a guy with two machine guns on rapid fire can't hit his target, but the same guy can hand-throw a bomb at the same target and have it connect.

Yeah...it's that dumb. But it's way more fun than I expected it to be, and it kicks all sorts of ass.

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