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Author Topic: Speed Racer (2008) Brad Miller Administrator Posts: 17775 From: Plano, TX (36.2 miles NW of Rockwall) Registered: May 99 posted 05-09-2008 03:56 AM                     This review is a bit random because I wrote it during the movie to help alleviate some of the pain. Ok so maybe I should focus on the positives here. This movie is VERY pretty to look at. I can’t imagine anyone not agreeing with me on this. However unfortunately the filmmakers clearly blew their wad on making this look pretty and ran out of money when it came time to pay someone to write even a mildly interesting story. The ENTIRE first reel is jibberish, but of course very pretty jibberish. Nobody will care what is going on and nobody will care about the characters because it is almost impossible to follow what is going on. Come towards the end of reel 2 Speed Racer (the adult character) finally starts to have some dialogue. We also have a scene with a housecar containing piranhas hungry for asian meat. Let’s just leave it at that. When did John Goodman get his 8th chin? Why is it everything in this movie is so advanced, yet the family has a piece of shit tv? Why does one of the bad guy’s teeth keep changing colors? Why is this movie over 2 hours long? By the way did I mention how pretty this movie is? What a waste. Fuck this is boring! Oh shit, I am only on reel 3 and this is a 7 reel movie. NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Oh wait...reel 4 actually has some racing. Of course it is essentially battlebots driving really fast, but still its SOMETHING. (Did battlebots ever throw bees at each other?) Fans of American Idol take note...Jason Castro is one of the drivers. And the race scene is over and we are back to more bad dialogue complete with some superb examples of overacting. Yawn. Why does this movie have to be so long and so boring? Was the original Speed Racer cartoon boring like this? Where did the ninja come from? Correct that, a NON-ja. I don’t even know what else to write. This chunky diarrhea drones on and on and I don’t see how it will make any money once the word gets out. I think I will go put some graffiti on the restroom wall. “For a good blow job sneak into the Speed Racer auditorium, because it SUCKS!!!” Thank you Wachowshitski Brothers. You could've tortured us less with a Matrix 4 (well wait a minute, that may have ended up being a draw...nevermind.) 1 out of 5 stars only because it looked so damn pretty.  |  IP: Logged Jim Bedford Jedi Master Film Handler Posts: 597 From: Telluride, CO, USA (733 mi. WNW of Rockwall, TX but it seems much, much longer) Registered: Jun 99 posted 05-09-2008 07:31 AM                        Now that's a REVIEW!  |  IP: Logged Joe Redifer You need a beating today Posts: 12859 From: Denver, Colorado Registered: May 99 posted 05-09-2008 09:50 AM                        I saw 15 or 20 seconds of the first or second reel last night. That was enough.  |  IP: Logged Jon P. Inghram Expert Film Handler Posts: 124 From: Wichita, KS USA Registered: Jan 2007 posted 05-09-2008 11:14 AM                     Hmm, you people must be watching a different movie than me, 'cause I thought it was pretty good! Oh, wait... that was Iron Man, my bad! I almost forgot about the suffering that I endured as I sat watching seizure inducing CGI, giant talking heads floating across scrolling backgrounds, and the many, many other cinematic atrocities that Speed Racer commits before giving up on it.  |  IP: Logged Mike Schindler Phenomenal Film Handler Posts: 1039 From: Oak Park, IL, USA Registered: Jun 2002 posted 05-09-2008 11:58 AM                     This is not a bad movie. It's got plenty of problems, but after sitting through MADE OF HONOR and WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS, at least it's something different. The look of the film is very pretty. But more than that, it's interesting. The Wachowski's are definitely pushing the envelope here, trying to find new ways to tell stories. It's crazy, it's abstract, and it doesn't always work. But sometimes it works really well. The opening sequence of the movie was a fantastic setup. People are calling it confusing, and I guess I see why. But it's also an extremely cool way for them to get their point across visually, and I applaud that. This movie has two problems. One is the overly simplistic plot, which is way too standard for a movie like this. The second is Spritle and the fracking monkey. Someone needs to take that kid out. But on the whole, I would definitely recommend it, especially if you want to see something new.  |  IP: Logged Jonathan M. Crist Jedi Master Film Handler Posts: 531 From: Hershey, PA, USA Registered: Apr 2000 posted 05-09-2008 12:59 PM                     This movie has a running time of about two hours and 10 minutes. The problem with this movie is that it is about two hours too long. As a 10 minute experimental cartoon short, it would have been just fine.  |  IP: Logged Paul Mayer Oh get out of it Melvin, before it pulls you under! Posts: 3836 From: Albuquerque, NM Registered: Feb 2000 posted 05-09-2008 01:35 PM                        I seem to recall that the original Spritle induced similar reactions. Even back then he should have become a speed bump for the Mach 5. You guys are daring me to go see this aren't you? Why do I get the feeling that my inner anime child of the '60s is about to die?  |  IP: Logged James Westbrook Phenomenal Film Handler Posts: 1133 From: Lubbock, Texas, Usa Registered: Mar 2006 posted 05-09-2008 07:35 PM                     If you feel the inner child passing on, just know this: Episodes of Astro Boy are available for viewing on Hulu.com .  |  IP: Logged Allison Parsons Jedi Master Film Handler Posts: 630 From: East Peoria, IL Registered: Oct 2004 posted 05-10-2008 02:38 AM                        quote: I think I will go put some graffiti on the restroom wall. “For a good blow job sneak into the Speed Racer auditorium, because it SUCKS!!!” Thank you Brad for giving the best quote about a bad movie I have ever heard!  |  IP: Logged Louis Belloisy Expert Film Handler Posts: 120 From: morris, ct usa Registered: Jun 2006 posted 05-11-2008 11:43 AM                        Well Brad, that is the best review I have ever seen on a turd of a movie. kids - 2 hour movie, big Sodie Pop = wet pants, ushers complain about cleaning up. All in all, a terrible waste of film, although its visually stimulating with the colors. Louis  |  IP: Logged David Stambaugh Film God Posts: 4021 From: Eugene, Oregon Registered: Jan 2002 posted 05-11-2008 04:34 PM                        Early matinee today at Regal 15 in Eugene, #4, 35mm. It's impossible to write anything about this movie without acknowledging how it looks and it looks really really good. Eye-popping color saturation like is rarely seen these days. Very nice print quality and a reminder of how good movies on film can look. Should look fantastic on DVD and esp. Blu-ray as long as they don't muck up the transfer. Oh by the way look for those home video releases very very soon. OK. Now about the movie. It's clearly too long, by about 30 minutes. I'm not an editor and I can't tell you what should have been cut, but dammit someone with some nads should have made some ruthless cuts to this to get the running time down to no more than about 1:45, tops. It drags in places to the point where the energy is just gone. Not good. Having said that, and acknowledging it has some serious problems with pacing and also dialog, I didn't hate it. In fact I kinda liked it. It entertained me. I'm not saying I would recommend it to most people though. It probably takes a special kind of movie geek nutcase and/or anime fan to say anything favorable about it at all (aside from how it looks). I'm only one of those by the way. I give it 2.5 stars out of 5 but readily concede it has major flaws that will cause many viewers to not be so generous. I see at imdb.com it has a 6.1 out of 10 average rating from ~1400 votes so far. Boxofficemojo.com has it with an average grade of B-minus from ~260 voters. Those are actually higher than I would have predicted, but still not very good.  |  IP: Logged Bobby Henderson "Ask me about Trajan." Posts: 10973 From: Lawton, OK, USA Registered: Apr 2001 posted 05-11-2008 06:24 PM                     quote: Allison Parsons Thank you Brad for giving the best quote about a bad movie I have ever heard! That is a pretty good comment. Still, my favorite movie review comment from Brad was in his review of The Bourne Supremacy (regarding all the shaky cam shit in it): quote: Brad Miller I am going to have to find this director and clamp his head in a paint shaking machine for two hours so he can see the kind of shit he is making.  |  IP: Logged Mike Olpin Chop Chop! Posts: 1852 From: Dallas, TX Registered: Jan 2002 posted 05-11-2008 11:26 PM                     I liked it. I know that's a completely indefensible position to take, so I won't bother. But I was entertained. Amazing in IMAX.  |  IP: Logged Brad Miller Administrator Posts: 17775 From: Plano, TX (36.2 miles NW of Rockwall) Registered: May 99 posted 05-12-2008 07:13 AM                     Mike, did Phil put you up to that review? (BTW, has anyone heard from Phil lately? It's been awhile.)  |  IP: Logged Mike Blakesley Film God Posts: 12767 From: Forsyth, Montana Registered: Jun 99 posted 05-12-2008 09:46 AM                        These reviews are having the effect of making me want to see ONE reel of the movie. I guess I can just look at the trailer.  |  IP: Logged

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