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Author
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Topic: Winter's Tale (2014)
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Marcel Birgelen
Film God
Posts: 3357
From: Maastricht, Limburg, Netherlands
Registered: Feb 2012
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posted 03-25-2014 06:31 AM
Yep, my girlfriend convinced me to see this one, the book was seemingly OK. But I had my premonition, so not wanting to spend any efforts in watching it, I chose the multiplex closest to my home (2 minutes by foot). I've been avoiding this place like the plague, I now exactly remember why.
Eventually, this review is more about the place that it was shown to me than the movie itself, because frankly, not the movie, but the presentation itself was about the biggest joke I've ever encountered.
This local multiplex, which out of respect I shall not name, has a very strange setup to begin with. Instead of placing their projectors and sound equipment in enclosed booths, they opted to put them on raised platforms in the lobby. This has been the case in the 35mm days and is still the case after the digital conversion (the 35mm equipment, including platters, is actually still present). While this might be interesting to look at, they seem to be unimpressed with the possibility of popcorn oil fumes and just the sheer dust and dirt originating from all those thousands of people passing by might be clogging up the precision mechanics and electronics of their equipment...
When we were allowed to enter the auditorium, we were already 5 minutes behind schedule. The credits of the last show were still running, the room hadn't been adequately cleaned and popcorn, nacho-residue and other stuff was flying around everywhere. On a side note, when we entered, the Barco had (still) a green tail light!
The room was hot and damp, sweat and mold was in the air. The first seat I choose could've been advertised as a rocking chair, the second came with a do-it-yourself backrest, the last one only had some superficial damage but was otherwise in stable condition.
The unmasked screen in front of us, neither scope nor flat, had visible stains. Underneath they mounted a BOSE Acoustic Wave Cannon, a rather strange choice for a sub-woofer in a cinema. The surrounds were a mixture of KSC and JBL speakers... The cardboard walls did a great job at conducting the sound away from the neighboring theaters, you could even distinguish the trailers they were watching...
When the previous show finally ended, they didn't immediately start our show, that was already running late for about 8 minutes. No, we first had to listen to some terrible 50Hz hum, intermixed with something that was supposed to be music.
About 12 minutes behind schedule, the show finally started, at an eardrum exploding volume. It was immediately clear that there was practically no bass, seemingly being compensated by way to much treble. Nonetheless, it was rather clear that the front right channel was barely noticeable...
After 32 (!!) minutes of commercials, more commercials, yet more commercials, trailers, trailers and more trailers (one trailer was the Spanish-dubbed version), topped up with self-made iMovie junk (which had the front channel come out of the surrounds) featuring low quality content probably ripped right from the first hit on YouTube and countless botched aspect ratio switchovers, the movie FINALLY started (mind you, we started already 12 minutes behind schedule).
In stark contrast to the pre-show, the movie itself played at a sub-par volume. To top it all off, the left and right surround channels were reversed... Horse runs off the screen on the left, but you end up hearing it on the right... Great!
Halfway trough the movie, the brightness suddenly dropped. First I was questioning my own sanity, but it was obvious something else had gone haywire. Combine this with the added light leak from the lobby, due to the unconventional "booth" design, there was now almost no contrast left. Dark scenes became dark grey on some lighter grey with hues of yellow and blue. Even the subtitles became light grey on darker grey.
Knowing for sure that my mind was still in somewhat working order, I opted to leave the room. Looking at the Barco, it was clearly showing a red tail light... Obviously something went into panic mode and left us with greatly reduced lamp power.
After some stumbling around in the lobby, I finally found some employee. Trying to outline my concerns, his reaction was: Yeah, well, but the movie is still running? Technically yes... Well, then there is nothing I can do about it... Asking if he would be at least kind enough to compensate for the tickets, he told me that there was no manager in and he couldn't help me... So far for great customer service. Thank you, come again. I decided it wasn't worth the hassle, so I returned to my girlfriend in the dark room, featuring a movie that could no longer bother me or her or anybody else left in the room...
So, some final words about the movie itself? I guess, even if I would've seen it in a non-botched show, my opinion wouldn't differ much: Soulless junk. Maybe the original book this story was based on has some quality, but this movie sucked all of it right out there.
It might be interesting to know that Warner Bros. once tried to hook up Scorsese to turn this fairytale into a movie, but he turned it down because he deemed it 'unfilmable'. I guess he was about right, some stories are better left alone, this one is the perfect example.
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