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These 3 guys that are really good friends decide to go out together one night to the whore-house for blow-jobs. One is rich, one is middle-class, one is poor. They go in and the mistress greets them at the door. "How can I help you fine gentlemen?"

One says, "We want blow-jobs done. How much do they cost?"

She replies, "Well, we have levels of how good you can get it, there's a $10 job, a $30 job, and a $50 job."

The poor guy says, "I'll go first then...I want a $10 job." So she takes him in the back room, and when he comes out he has a huge smile on his face. The other guys ask, "What'd she do? What'd she do?"

"Oh, it was great. She put whipped cream all over me and sucked me dry."

So the middle-class guy goes next, and gets the $30 job. When he comes out he also has a huge smile on his face. The guys ask, "What'd she do?"

"Oh, it was wonderful! She put whipped cream and nuts on me, then she nibbled and sucked me dry!"

So the rich guy is all excited, he decides to get the $50 job. She takes him in the back room, and when he comes back out he's all hunched over and groaning in pain. "Help me!" he cries.

So the two friends grab him to keep him from falling over and say, "What happened? What's wrong with you?"

"Oh it was terrible," he moaned. "It started out so good...she put whipped cream and chocolate and nuts on me...ugh! Ouch..."

"Yeah? And then what?" They looked at him eagerly.

The pretty young lady was having tooth pulled. The dentist gave her the usual "This won't hurt a bit" routine as he bent forward to begin.

He immediately drew back in complete alarm.

"Miss," he said in a barely audible whisper, "You have hold of my testicles!"

"Yes, doc, I know," she smiled, "and we aren't going to hurt each other, are we?"

This out-of-work guy goes to see his doctor with a strange complaint. It seems that his penis has turned orange and he is very concerned about it.

Upon examination, the doctor asks, "How long have you had this condition?"

Guy: "Ever since I've been out of work."

Doc: "Well, what have you been doing in your time off?"

Last night, my friends and I went to a gay night club. One
of the my friends wanted to impress the rest of us, so he pulled out
a $10 bill. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked
the $10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek!

Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill.
He calls the dancer back over,
licks the $20 bill, and sticks it to his other butt cheek.

In another attempt to impress the rest of us,
my third friend pulls out a $50 bill and calls the guy over,
and licks the bill. I'm worried about the way things are going,
but fortunately he just stuck it to one of the dancer's butt cheeks, again.

My relief was short lived. Seeing the way things are going,
the dancer gyrates over to me! Now everyone's
attention is focused on me, and the guy's egging me on to try to
top the $50.

My brain was churning as I reached for my wallet.
What could I do? I got out my ATM card, swiped it
down the crack of his butt, grabbed the $80 bucks, and went home.

A 15 (18-21 PC) year old boy has sex for the first time. He comes home and tells
his mom. His mom is so angry she sends him up to his room. Then
meets him up there and starts yelling at him telling him he is too
young to have sex at 15. The father walks in the door
and hears all this noise coming out of the boy's room, walks up to the
room and asks what's going on? His wife tells him that their son
had sex for the first time and he's only 15.

The father replies that he will handle this so the mother leaves the room.
Quietly the father says to his son that its all right… "I had sex for the first time when
I was 15 also... I'm proud of you. You're now becoming a man. In fact,
lets go out and buy that bike you wanted with that nice leather seat."
The boy replies, "OK dad, but can I wait a couple of days to ride
it because my butt still really hurts!!!!!"

An couple, both age 67, went to a sex therapist's office.
The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the
doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have
intercourse," and charged them £50. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave. Finally the doctor asked,
"Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
The old man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's
married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to
mine "The Holiday Inn charges £90. The Hilton charges £108. We do it
here for £50, and - I get £43 back from BUPA."

Here is a little gem that can be typed as a business letter and mailed off to that one person who pissed you off!

TROJAN CONDOM COMPANY, INC.
6969 SLIPPERY ROOT DRIVE
DROPTROWSER, CA 94537

Dear Mr.______

We regret to inform you that we have rejected your application to model and represent our product, TROJAN CONDOMS.

Although your general physical appearance is not displeasing, our Board of Directors feels that your wearing of our product in the advertisement does not protray a positive, romantic image. A loose, baggy and wrinkled condom is NOT considered romantic.

We did admire your efforts to try and firm it up by using Polygrip, but even it slipped off before we could gett the photographs taken. We would like to note, however, that yours is the first we've seen that looked like a bicycle grip.

We appreciate your interest and thank you for your time. We will retain your application for future consideration, if by chance we decide there is a market for micro-mini condoms.

We send greetings to your wife and/or girlfriend along with our deepest sympathy.

Yours very truly
TROJAN CONDOM COMPANY, INC

Burley Dick
President

p.s. Remember our slogan:

FROM A CARTOON:

Three men were walking aimlessly in the desert.

They came upon a castle, dying of thirst they decided to go into the castle. Inside they found no men, just dozens of beautiful women. The three men decided to stay (obviously, what man wouldn't).

For a week they enjoyed themselves having sex many times a day with the many beautiful women.

After a week, the king of the castle and his army of men came back. As he walked into his castle he found the three men with his women. Pissed off the king ordered his army to capture the three men and line them up against the wall.

Then the king said that each of them would be serverly punished according to their occupation.

The king goes up the the first man and demands to know his occupation.

The first man replies..."Fireman."

The king tells his army, "Burn off his penis."

Then he walked over to the second man and asked his occupation.

Hesitating the man said...."I...I...I...I'm a police officer."

The king ordered, "Shoot off his penis."

Then finally the King asks the third man his occupation.

A really old man goes into a chemist shop and asks for a packet of condoms.

The chemist looks at him and suggests that the old man would be far too old to require the use of a condom.

A little boy and his father were walking through a field when the came across two dogs doing the nasty.

The boy, very curious about what was happening, turned to his father and asked him what they were doing.

The father, trying to make his answer assubtle as possible replied, "They are making puppies."

Later that night the little boy awoke from his sleep and wanted a drink of water.

He walked over to his parents room and caught them screwing. The boy, not knowing what was happening, asked his father what they were doing.

The father replied, "We are making you a little brother."