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George W. Bush's Quotes

Here are some 100% REAL quotes that our delightful president George W. Bush uttered over the past few years:

"This is preservation month. I appreciate preservation. It's what you do when you run for president. You gotta preserve."-Speaking during "Perserverence Month" at a New Hampshire grade school

"I know how hard it is to put food on your family." "This is still a dangerous world. It's a world of mad men and uncertainty and potential mental losses."

"We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor just like you like to be liked yourself."

Gore and Bush

During the presidential election, Al Gore and George Bush were fighting over what was the biggest problem on tv.

George Bush said that there was to much blood and violence on tv.

Al Gore said that there was to much sex and nudity.

A cop pulls Jenna Bush over for speeding and he notices her eyes are red.
He says, "Gee, your eyes look red. Have you been drinking?"

MAKE THE PIE HIGHER
by George W. Bush

I think we all agree, the past is over.
This is still a dangerous world;
It's a world of madmen and uncertainty
and potential mental losses.
Rarely is the question asked:
Is our children learning?

Will the highways of the Internet become more few?
How many hands have I shaked?
They misunderestimate me.
I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity.
I know that the human being and the fish can coexist.
Families is where our nation finds hope,
where our wings take dream.

Put food on your family!
Knock down the tollbooth!
Vulcanize Society!
Make the pie higher!
Make the pie higher!

The latest polls say that President Bush has the highest approval ratings of any president ever.

One day an airliner was hijacked by Muslims who started flying it towards the Empire State Building. In the back two rows of seats, out of sight of the hijackers, were Hillary Clinton, George W., The Pope and a 10 year-old schoolboy. There was an emergency parachute under three seats, but the one under the fourth was missing.

'I'm the most politically ambitious woman in the United States and the electorate don't want me to die,' declares Hillary, who grabs one of the parachutes, opens the back door and jumps out.

'I'm the inspirational leader of a major superpower,' announces George W., 'and my people want me to live.' He grabs the second parachute and jumps out.

One day George W. went out to dinner with a Jewish friend.

The friend recommended a kosher place nearby.

They arrived and Dubya's friend ordered them both the house specialty: matzo ball soup.

The waiter brought the bowls and George looked at the soup suspiciously, but his friend urged him to try at least one taste. So he took a bite of matzo ball and slurped some soup and clearly liked it.

Q. What did George W Bush get on his S.A.T.'s?

George W. Bush was getting off of Airforce One in Israel, when he walked passed Moses, who didn't seem to notice him.

He turned to Moses and said, "I am George W. Bush, the President of the US of A, the most powerful nation on earth. Why didn't you greet me?"

President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar.

A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"

The barman says, "Yep, that's them."

So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"

Bush says, "We're planning WW III ".

And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one bicycle repairman."

The guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman? Why kill a bicycle repairman?

In a train carriage there was Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, Janet Reno and Bo Derek.

After several minutes of the trip, the train passes through a dark tunnel and the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. When they leave the tunnel, Clinton has a big red slap mark on his cheek.

1) Bo Derek thought - "That sleaze ball Clinton wanted to touch me and by mistake, he must have put his hand on Janet Reno, who in turn must have slapped his face."

(2) Janet Reno thought - "That dirty Bill Clinton laid his hands on Bo Derek and she smacked him."

(3) Bill Clinton thought - "George put his hand on Bo Derek and by mistake she slapped me."

Russian President Putin called President George W. Bush with an emergency:
"Our largest condom factory has exploded," the Russian President cried. "My people's favorite form of birth control ... this is a true disaster!"

"Mr. Putin, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you," replied the President.

"I do need your help," said Putin. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms, ASAP, to tide us over?"

"Why certainly! I'll get right on it," said Bush.

"Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Putin.

"Yes?"

"Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10 inches long and 4 inches in diameter?" asked Putin.

"No problem," replied the President. With that, George W. hung up the phone and then called the President of the Acme Condom Company. "I need a favor. You've got to send 1,000,000 condoms over to Russia right away."

"Consider it done," said the CEO of Acme.

"Great! Now listen. They have to be red in color, 10 inches long and 4 inches in diameter."

"Easily done. Anything else?"

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