This is a true story that happened to me a few days ago.

I was at McDonald's and I ordered a large fry.

The cashier said, "I'm sorry, we are out of apple pies."

I was about to explain her error when the lady in line behind me said, "You're out of apple pies? I can't believe it! This is sick! This is sick!"

The poor cashier said, "I'm sorry. We asked for more from the headquarters, but they haven't come yet." The lady shouted, "I have stock in this company, and this is why it is FAILING! "

"I demand to see your manager, because you are obviously an idiot!" The cashier, on the verge of tears, said, "Please don't call mean idiot. I don't deserve to have you yelling at me."

The manager came forward from the back of the store. "What isthe problem here?"

The lady screeched, "This idiot has given me horrible service, and I am never coming here again." She stormed out.

The cashier followed her out, calling, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." The lady yelled back, "You're a f***ing bitch!"

The manager came out and said, "You are no longer welcome on this property!"

Finally, the lady left the parking lot and stood staring loathingly at the store from the sidewalk. The cashier came back, apologized, and got me my fries.

An organization is like a tree full of monkeys:

all on different levels, some climbing up.

The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.

A guy went to the middle of nowhere and picked up one of those
new Mercedes. He was testing it out in the parking lot, turned
on the radio and nothing happened. Furious, he demanded to see
the plant manager, and told her, "When I buy a $50,000 car I
expect the damn radio to work."

The plant manager explained to him that the radio had been
programed to his voice and all he had to do was tell the radio
what he wanted to hear. Pretty neat stuff.

He got back into the car and said "Country music," and old
Willie Nelson started singing.

"Rock and roll," he exclaimed, and immediately Elvis started
crooning.

"Easy listening," he remarked, and at once it sounded like he
was in an elevator.

He was relaxed, driving back to his home when a female driver
cuts him off. He controls his temper but before he knows it
another female driver cuts him off.

"Stupid bitches!" he screamed.

Reaching the end of his job interview, the personal recruiter asked the young engineer fresh out of college, "And, what starting salary were you looking for?" The engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement funds to 50% of salary, a company leased Corvette every two years, and the salary you asked for?"

A man goes into a bank and walks up to the cashier's desk. "Nice tits love, I want to open a fucking bank account," he says.

"I beg your pardon?" replies the cashier. "Listen you dumb bitch," he says, "I want to open a fucking bank account!" "I'm sorry sir," she says, her bottom lip starting to quiver. "I can't help you if you're going to talk to me like that." And with that she leaves her window, walks over to the bank manager and whispers in his ear.

The two return to the window and the manager asks stiffly, "What seems to be the problem here?"

"There's no fucking problem," the man insists. "I just won 10 million on the fucking lottery and I want to open a fucking bank account!"

"I see sir," the manager quickly replies. "And this bitch is giving you a hard time, is she?"

"The Related Sale" was the subject of a pep talk given recently by the manager of a certain super-drug store.

"For instance, if a customer wants razor blades," he told employees, "ask him how he's fixed for shaving cream and after-shave lotion. That way you can turn a small sale into a bigger one and make more commission."

The youngest clerk was very impressed with the talk and was eager to try the technique on his very next customer. This turned out to be a rather embarrassed gentleman who shyly requested a box of Kotex for his wife.

Ten minutes later, the manager of the store was amazed to see the customer staggering out loaded down with assorted fishing equipment, tackle, nets, boots and a one-man inflatable life raft.

"What happened?!" The manager gasped, and the clerk modestly attributed his success to "The Related Sale."

"Related Sale!" Exclaimed the manager. "But all he wanted was a box of Kotex."

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.

He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.

Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"

An Italian, and Irishman and a Chinamen are hired at a construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping", and to the Irishman he says "You're in charge of shoveling." And to the Chinamen, "you're in charge of supplies".

He then says "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile."

So the foreman goes away for a couple hours, and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched.

He says to the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"

The Italian replies in a heavy accent, "I didn't have a broom. You said the Chinese guy was in a charge of supplies, but he a disappeared and I couldn't a find a him."

Then the foreman turns to the Irishman and asks why he didn't shovel.

The Irishman replies in his heavy brogue, "Aye, ye did lad. But I counna get meself a shovel. Ye left the Chinese guy in charge of supplies, but I counna fin' him."

The foreman is really angry now, and storms off toward the pile of sand looking for the Chinese guy.

Did you hear about the two men from the monastery who opened a fish-and-chips fast food restaurant?

The new manager walks into his office and, while settling into his new desk, finds 4 envelopes. On one he finds the words "open me first" and the other three are numbered 1 to 3.

He opens the first envelope and finds a letter from his predecessor saying: "These three envelopes will save you a world of trouble. In case of emergency, please open these envelopes in sequential order; envelope one first, envelope two second, and
envelope three third."

The manager shrugs, puts the envelopes back, and forgets about them.

Six months later, the workers go on strike. The company closes, and is losing money fast.

After a lengthy day negotiating with the union, he remembers the 3 envelopes. So he opens the first one and it says: "Blame me, your predecessor for everything".

Wonderful idea he thinks, and indeed it works and the crisis comes to its end. His job is saved, and everybody's happy.

A few month later, another strike hits. He goes to the drawer and opens the second envelope. It reads, "Blame the government for everything".

It works like a charm, and he breathes a sigh of relief as his job is, once again, saved.

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery.

When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." 

A business man is trying to find a potental wife. So he finds three business oriented ladies and tells them he'll will give them each five thousand dollars. Each of them can do what they want with it but to be back in six weeks to tell him what they did with it.

All three ladies think they will be smart and try to make money from the five thousand dollars.

So six weeks go by. The three ladies go to meet the business man. The business man says, ''Number One, what did you do with your money?''

Number One says, ''I invested in T-bills and made $1500."

The business man asks number two the same question.

Number Two says, '' I invested in the market and made $1700.''

The business man asks Number Three the same question, as well.

Number Three says, '' I invested in a CD and only made $1200."

The business man, revaluated all three candidates and came to a decision.

Can you guess which one he selected?
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A market researcher called at a house and a young woman answered his knock.

There were three small children running around her.

He asked her if she minded replying to his questions and she agreed.

He asked her if she knew his company, Cheeseborough-Ponds.

When she said no, he mentioned that among their many products was Vaseline and she certainly knew of that product.

When asked if she used it, the answer was "Yes." Asked how she used it, she answered, "To assist sexual intercourse."

The interviewer was amazed. He said, "I always ask that question because everyone uses our product and they always say they use it for the child's bicycle chain, or the gate hinge; but I know that most use it for sexual intercourse.

Since you've been so frank, could you tell me exactly how you use it?"