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Topic: Heaven (In or Out)

Jonathan Worthing
Master Film Handler

Posts: 384
From: Hereford, UK
Registered: Apr 2001

posted 07-11-2001 06:30 AM

PG - 15

Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, and they both go before the angel to find out if they'll be admitted to heaven. Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the angel must decide which of them gets in. The angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to heaven, whereupon she takes off her top and says, "Look at these. They're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity."

The angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen drops her skirt and panties, takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, and douches with it.

The angel says, "OK, Your Majesty, you may go in." Dolly is outraged. "What was that all about? I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She performs a rude act of hygiene and she gets in. Can you explain that to me?"

"Sorry, Dolly," says the angel, "but even in heaven, a royal flush beats two of a kind!

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)

Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001

posted 02-10-2003 02:32 PM

Rated G

Three men arrive at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks the first man,

"Religion?"The first man replies, "Episcopalian."

St. Peter looks down his list and says, "go to room 24. But be very quiet

as you pass room 8."To the second man St. Peter asks, "Religion."

The second man replies "Methodist."

St. Peter looks down his list and says, "Go to room 14. But be very quiet

as you pass room 8."To the third man St. Peter asks. "Religion."

The third man replies, "Baptist."

St. Peter looks down his list and says. "Go to room 21. But be very quiet

as you pass room 8."

The third man then says to St. Peter, "I can understand there being

different rooms for different religions, but why must we be

quiet when we pass room 8?"

St. Peter tells him, "Well the catholics are in room 8, and they think

they're the only ones here." [Big Grin]

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)

Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001

posted 02-10-2003 03:32 PM

Rated G

Represent Christmas

Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something relating or associated with Christmas.

The first man searches his pocket,and finds some Mistletoe,so he is allowed in.

The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in.

The third man pulls out a pair of stockings.

Confused at this last gesture,St. Peter asks,"How do these represent Christmas?"

"They're Carol's." [Big Grin]

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