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This topic comprises 3 pages: 1 2 3
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Author
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Topic: Epitaph's
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 08-23-2001 10:44 AM
Rated G Real Epitaphs On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:
Here lies Ezekial Aikle Age 102 The Good Die Young. In a London, England cemetery: Here lies Ann Mann, Who lived an old maid But died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767 In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery: Anna Wallace The children of Israel wanted bread And the Lord sent them manna, Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife, And the Devil sent him Anna. Playing with names in a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery: Here lies Johnny Yeast Pardon me For not rising. Memory of an accident in a Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery: Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake Stepped on the gas Instead of the brake. In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery: Here lays Butch, We planted him raw. He was quick on the trigger, But slow on the draw. A widow wrote this epitaph in a Vermont cemetery: Sacred to the memory of my husband John Barnes who died January 3, 1803 His comely young widow, aged 23, has many qualifications of a good wife, and yearns to be comforted. A lawyer's epitaph in England: Sir John Strange Here lies an honest lawyer, And that is Strange. Someone determined to be anonymous in Stowe, Vermont: I was somebody. Who, is no business Of yours. Lester Moore was a Wells, Fargo Co. station agent for Naco, Arizona in the cowboy days of the 1880's. He's buried in the Boot Hill Cemetery inTombstone, Arizona: Here lies Lester Moore Four slugs from a .44 No Les No More. In a Georgia cemetery: "I told you I was sick!" John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery: Reader if cash thou art In want of any Dig 4 feet deep And thou wilt find a Penny. On Margaret Daniels grave at Hollywood Cemetery Richmond, Virginia: She always said her feet were killing her but nobody believed her. In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England: On the 22nd of June - Jonathan Fiddle - Went out of tune. Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont has an epitaph that sounds like something from a Three Stooges movie: Here lies the body of our Anna Done to death by a banana It wasn't the fruit that laid her low But the skin of the thing that made her go. More fun with names with Owen Moore in Battersea, London, England: Gone away Owin' more Than he could pay. Someone in Winslow, Maine didn't like Mr. Wood: In Memory of Beza Wood Departed this life Nov. 2, 1837 Aged 45 yrs. Here lies one Wood One Wood Within another. The outer wood Is very good: We cannot praise The other. On a grave from the 1880's in Nantucket, Massachusetts: Under the sod and under the trees Lies the body of Jonathan Pease. He is not here, there's only the pod: Pease shelled out and went to God. The grave of Ellen Shannon in Girard, Pennsylvania is almost a consumer tip: Who was fatally burned March 21, 1870 by the explosion of a lamp filled with "R.E. Danforth's Non-Explosive Burning Fluid" Oops! Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York: Born 1903--Died 1942 Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was. And I thought I had a sense of humor.
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 02-18-2002 01:09 PM
Rated G
Tombstones
1. This is all over my head. ~Robert Benchly
2. Involved in a plot. ~Dorothy Parker
3. Here lies Walter Winchel in the dirt he loved so well.~Walter Winchel
4. This one's on me! ~Milton Berle
5. I had a hunch something like this would happen. ~Fontain Fox
6. On the whole, I'd rather be in Philadelphia. ~W. C. Feilds7.
7. Well, I've played everything but a harp. ~Lionel Barrymore
8. This is too deep for me. ~Don Herold
9. Here's something I want to get off my chest! ~William Haines
10. Dentist's epitaph in a Connecticut cemetery:"When on this tomb you gaze with gravity, Cheer up! I'm filling my last cavity."
11. Epitaph on the grave of a hypochondriac: "I told you I was sick!"
EPITAPHS IN OLD CHURCHYARDS: from the collection of Carl S. Cancy
12. Sacred to the Memory of Jared Bates Who died August the 6th, 1800.His widow, aged 24, lives at 7 Elm Street,Has every qualification for a good wife,And yearns to be comforted.
13. In Memory of Mr.Peter Daniels Born August 7, 1688. Died May 20, 1746.Beneath this stone, a lump of clay, Lies Uncle Peter Daniels,Who too early in the month of May Took off his winter flannels.
14. "School is out and the teacher has gone home."
15. "He was a simple man who died of complications."
16. "Here lies Jonny Yeast. Pardon me for not rising." [ 09-18-2007, 03:54 PM: Message edited by: Bob Maar ]
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 12-22-2002 12:00 PM
Rated PG
Here we will have fun posting unusual and humorous tombstone epitaphs. We encourage all you senior cititizens to send us your favorites so they can be shared with others.
I once had a friend who travelled on vacation just to look at old tombstones. He took photographs of them. Here is my favorite.
Hung for stealing horses that didn't exist Here are the people responsible for this Under that was the names of the jurors who convicted him. Bob Huckaby
Found on a tombstone of ---------Doane at the Bridge Street cemetery in Eastham Mass. 17??. As you pass by and cast an eye as you are now so once was I. Similar to others I seen on the site -- V Parsonnet
I am a tombstone maker and an elderly woman that I know is always reminding me to writet on her stone " I knew this was going to happen to me "
My Dear Friends as You Pass By As You are Now, So Once Was I. As I am Now, You Soon Must Be. Prepare Yourselves to Follow Me. This is on a tombstone in the old Irwin Cemetary near the old gold & silver mining camp of Irwin, near Crested Butte, Colorado, and is quite famous. The exact epitaph is on a stone in the cemetary at Como, Colorado, in Park County off of highway 285 in South Park. -- Frank Buffington
Here lies Slip Mcvey He would be here today But bad whiskey and a fast gun put him away
This one is from a grave in the "Bad" part of the cemetary in the old mining town of Pioche, Neveda: Submitted by: Homer Overton
Here lies Lester Moore four shots from a .44 No Les-no more
This one comes from a cemetery in Northern Neveda ....memory fails me when I try to remember which ghost town I was in (I have visited , photographed, and painted over 150 ghost towns)Submitted by: Homer Overton
Ma Loved Pa, Pa Loved Women, Ma caught Pa with one in swimmin.. Here Lies Pa
This is an epitaph my Dad found on a tombstone in Flordia Submitted by -MoreWishes@aol.com
I Am Woman Hear Me Roar And Boy Did She On tombstone in Douglas County
Here lies an atheist All dressed up, And no place to go.
Here lies the body of Samuel Crane He ran a race with a passenger train He got to the crossing and almost across Sam and his car was a total loss Sams spirit now tolls his knell That Sam is on his way to well If he only took time to stop look and listen He'd be living now instead of missing Thanks to Logan Crutcher camelot@usi.com
Owen Moore has passed away Owin' More than he could could pay Submitted by Gary K. Massey
Pause, stranger, when you pass me by, For as you are, so once was I. As I am now, so will you be. Then prepare unto death, and follow me.
Believe it or not,while visiting a small town in East Texas named Kirbyville,I had heard there was such an epitaph at one of the two cemeteries there.Out of curiosity several of us went to see for ourselves.Sure enough,there is an obelisk shaped tombstone with the entire poem on it.
Here I lie, snuck as a bug in a rug Two rows down in same cemetary
Here I lie, snucker than that other bugger
Perry County, Pennsylvania --Bette Clemens"
Beneath this stone my wife doth lie Now she's at rest and so am I. -- "Please do not use my name."
Hi! Stay high Bye Found in Hookstown, PA, on tombstone with etching of marijuana plant on it. -- --ejthoma
Here Lies ________ Born xxxx Died xxxx Dear Lord She is thin ..(and around the corner on the next side) e Saw this on one side of a tombstone
-- -- Sent in by Jerre J. Schermerhorn
I was Carolina Born and Carolina bred and here I lay Carolina dead! Lady buried at Chapel Cemem. UNC Chapel Hill
-- -- Sent in by jdill
The following is on the tombstone of a woman who died in New England in the colonial era: "She did what she could"
-- -- Sent in by Naomi Pepper
Here lies Kelly, We buried him today. He lived the life of Riley, ....when Riley was away! -- -- Sent in by Adis M Henry adispf
I Told You I Was Sick -- found in Round Rock, TX. -- Sent in by Dusty Gilliam
Here Lies The Body Of A Man Who Died Nobody Mourned - Nobody Cried How He Lived - How He Fared Nobody Knows - Nobody Cared -- On a stone in Oconto Falls, WI cemetary. Sent in by Richard G. Fuller
Sorry, but I take exception to the "epitaph" I read today. The original story was that someone found this on a tombstone buried deep in the grass. Upon pushing the grass aside, he read:
Pause, stranger, when you pass me by, For as you are, so once was I. As I am now, so will you be. Then prepare unto death, and follow me. Pushing the grass aside a bit more, he found the following scratched on the stone, done with a crude instrument:
To follow you I'm not content Until I know which way you went!
For as you are, so once was I. As you are now, once so was I As I am now, so you will be. Embrace ye death and follow me. -- 1700s -- in Hays County, Texas near San Marcos. The print on the pale gray tombstone was red.
Here Lies Joyce She'd rather not But no choice. -- 11-24-96 Written by senior citizen Joyce Woodfin
Assuming my death has occurred And five doctors have concurred.. Please REVIVE me!
If you can get no breath Take the person who caused my death and bury them right beside me.
-- Written by senior citizen Joyce Woodfin
Ope'd my eyes Took a peep. Didn't like it Went back to sleep. -- This I found on a tombstone of a newborn in Ashby de la Zooch, England in 1949, sent in by Richard Wahner
We all have a debt To nature due I've paid mine And so must you. -- Seen in Rock Valley, Massachusets, circa 1755, sent in by Thomas R. Ohlin
-- Solomon Pease -- Here under this sod, and under these trees Is buried the body of Solomon Pease But here in his hole lies only the pod, His soul is shelled out, and gone up to God.
-- More from the "Bathroom Reader" -- Seen in Falkirk, Scotland , sent in by Richard Fuller
-- Arabella Young, 1771 -- Here lies as silent clay Miss Arabella Young. Who on the 21st of May, Began to hold her tongue.
-- Seen in Hatfield, Massachusetts, sent in by Richard Fuller
Grim death took me without any warning. I was well at night, and dead in the morning.
-- Seen in Kent, England, sent in by Richard Fuller
-- Anna Wallace -- The Children of Israel wanted bread And the Lord sent them manna Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife And the Devil sent him Anna
-- seen in Bibbesford, England.
Sacred to the memory of Jared Bates, Who died Aug. the 6th, 1800. His widow, aged 24, lives at 7 Elm Street, Has every qualification for a good wife, And longs to be comforted. -- Seen in Lincoln, Maine, sent in by Richard Fuller
Here Lies Lester Moore Shot 4 times with a .44 No Less No More
-- we need to thank John Coe
He looked for gold and died of lead poison -- sent by frode s. stringer
Here lies the bones of Private Jones For whom War held no terrors. A private then, a private now No runs, No hits, just errors. -- sent by William M. Stokes
Here's to Johnny quite a guy Very sad he had to die All was well could not be better Till he wrote my girl a letter. -- sent by William M. Stokes
Wherever you be, Let your wind go free. For holding it in, Was the killing of me. -- on a tombstone in the country in Austrailian.
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 01-14-2003 07:13 PM
Rated G
Headstone Humor
Found on real headstones:
Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York: Born 1903 Died 1942 Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was. ****************************** In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery: Here lies an Atheist All dressed up And no place to go. ****************************** On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia: Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102. The Good Die Young. ****************************** In a London, England cemetery: Here lies Ann Mann, Who lived an old maid But died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767 ***************************** In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery: Anna Wallace: The children of Israel wanted bread, And the Lord sent them manna. Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife, And the Devil sent him Anna. ****************************** In a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery: Here lies Johnny Yeast. Pardon me For not rising. ****************************** In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania, cemetery: Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake. V Stepped on the gas Instead of the brake. ****************************** In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery: Here lays The Kid. We planted him raw. He was quick on the trigger But slow on the draw. ****************************** A lawyer's epitaph in England: Sir John Strange. Here lies an honest lawyer, And that is Strange. ***************************** John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery: Reader, if cash thou art In want of any, Dig 6 feet deep; And thou wilt find a Penny. ***************************** In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England: On the 22nd of June, Jonathan Fiddle Went out of tune. ***************************** Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls,Vermont: Here lies the body of our Anna - Done to death by a banana. It wasn't the fruit that laid her low, But the skin of the thing that made her go. ****************************** On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket, Massachusetts: Under the sod and under the trees, Lies the body of Jonathan Pease. He is not here, there's only the pod. Pease shelled out and went to God. ***************************** In a cemetery in England: Remember man, as you walk by, As you are now, so once was I. Remember this and follow me. To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone: To follow you I'll not consent Until I know which way you went. ****************************** And last but not least, a friend of mine found this in Key West: Elmer Hodges I told you I was sick!
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 01-30-2003 09:43 AM
Rated G
A bill collector knocked on the door of a country debtor.
"Is Fred home?"he asked the woman who answered the door.
"Sorry,"the woman replied."Fred's gone for cotton."
The next day the collector tried again."Is Fred here today?"
"No,sir,"she said,"I'm afraid Fred has gone for cotton."
When he returned the third day he grumbled,"I suppose Fred is gone for cotton again?"
"No,"the woman answered solemnly,"Fred died yesterday."
Suspicious that he was being avoided,the collector decided to wait a week and investigate the cemetery himself.But sure enough,there was poor Fred's tombstone,with this inscription:
"Gone, But Not for Cotton."
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 04-10-2003 12:08 PM
Rated :G
OBITUARY POETRY
When the role of sharp, shrewd business men is called, a prominent place will certainly be given to Thomas Smith, sculptor, for he cut this in his wife's tomb:
"Here lies Jane Smith, wife of Thomas Smith, marble cutter. This monument was erected by her husband as a tribute to her memory and a specimen of his work. Monuments of the same style $250.00."
There is glory enough for any man in this stanza which is dedicated to a suicide:
"He never won immortal fame Nor conquered earthly ills, Yet men weep for him all the same He always paid his bills."
The late Mr. Tugs relatives not only believed in brevity but were evidently sure the deceased was out of trouble, for they put on his headstone:
"Here lies Tom Tug, As snug as a bug in a rug."
Last of all, and most unique is the originality of the lettering artist who was ordered to inscribe "Let her rest in peace" upon a tombstone. Not finding enough room for the entire sentence, he abbreviated it in this manner:
"Let her r.i.p."
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