my profile | my password | search | faq & rules | forum home

» Film-Tech Forum ARCHIVE   » Community   » Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon   » Bumper Stickers (Page 1)

This topic comprises 2 pages: 1  2

Author Topic: Bumper Stickers Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-12-2005 01:01 PM                        Rated G PG PG 13 R & A A bad day of fishing turns into a good day of drinking. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory. A clean house is a sign of a misspent life. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. A conscious is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. A day without sunshine is like, well, night. A diplomat thinks twice before saying nothing. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. A fool and his money are my best friends. A fool and his money are soon partying. A hundred thousand sperm and you were the fastest? A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance. A man decided not to report his stolen credit card because the thief was spending less than his wife did. A man is not complete until he is married - then he is finished. A mouse is an elephant built by the Japanese. A PBS mind in an MTV world. A penny saved is a government oversight. A pessimist is never disappointed. A real gentleman wouldn't stare at my stickers. Answer my prayer - steal this car. A waist is a terrible thing to mind. Abbotsford – smell our dairy air! According to my calculations, the problem doesn’t exist. Adrenaline is my drug of choice. Adult child of alien invaders. Adults are just kids who owe money. Air pollution is a mist-demeaner. Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive. All generalizations are false, including this one. All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done. All life's answers are on TV. Bart Simpson All men are animals, some just make better pets. All men are idiots, and I married their King. All work and no play, will make you a manager. Allow me to introduce my selves. Alone: In bad company. An eye for an eye… leaves the whole world blind. Always glad to share my ignorance - I've got plenty. Always proof-read carefully to see if you any words out. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. Always try to be modest - and be damn proud of it! Am I getting smart with you? How would you know? Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no. And which dwarf are you? And whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "s" in it? And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be? Anything free is worth what you pay for it. Archaeologists will date any old thing. Are the noises in my head bothering you? Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage. Are you following Jesus this close? Are You Having Phone Sex Or Do You Always Drive That Way? Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity. ASCII a stupid question, get a stupid ANSI! As a matter of fact, I do own the road. As I said before, I never repeat myself. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools. Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit. Ask me about my vow of silence. Atheism is a nonprophet organization. Avenge Yourself - live long enough to be a problem to your children.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-12-2005 01:04 PM                        Rated G PG PG 13 R B Back Off! I'm a Postal Worker... Back off! I'm not that kind of car. Back off! You're standing in my aura. Backup my hard drive? How do I get it in reverse? Bad cop - no donut for you. Bad girls wanted. Barium: what you do with dead chemists. Be careful about reading health books - you may die of a misprint. Be nice to nerds. Chances are, you’ll end up working for one. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home. Be the kind of person you always wanted your parents to be. Beam me up Scotty – there’s no intelligent life down here. Beat rush hour, leave work at noon. The beatings will continue until morale improves. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. Beer - helping white people dance since 1837. Beer - it's not just for breakfast anymore. Beer - the reason I get up each afternoon. Before giving someone a piece of your mind, be sure you have enough to spare. Being a princess is a full-time job. The best man for the job is a woman. Better living through denial. Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot. Beware of geeks bearing gifs. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. Bipartisanship: I'll hug your elephant if you kiss my [#@!$] Birds of a feather flock together – and crap on your car. Black Holes are where God divided by zero. Black holes really suck. Blessed are the censors, for they shall inhibit the Earth. Blessed are the cross-eyed, for they will see God twice. Blessed are the pessimists, for they make backups. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused. Blessed is the end-user who expects nothing, for ye shall not be disappointed. Blonde joe-ks are one-liners just so brunettes can understand them. Blondes may tease, but redheads please. Body by Nautilus; Brain by Mattel. Boldly going nowhere. Born again pagan. Born free - my father's a doctor. Born free... taxed to death. Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back. Bottomless pit of needs & wants. Boycott shampoo! Demand REAL poo! Brain dysfunction detected. Brain over - Insert coin. BREAKFAST.COM Halted - Cereal Port Not Responding. Breast Inspection 20 Feet Ahead (Please Have 'Em Out). Breathing may be hazardous to your health. Budget - a method for going broke methodically. Bugs come in through open Windows. Bumper Stickers - Not Your Type? By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-12-2005 01:06 PM                        Rated G PG PG 13 R C C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit. Calm Down. Its only ones and zeros. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2? Canada Revenue: We've got what it takes to take what you've got. Canadian DOS prompt: EH? Cancer cures smoking. Can't Feed 'Em? Don't Breed 'Em. Cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out. Careful – I’m not wearing clean underwear! Cats are dogs with a college education. Cats: The other white meat. Caution: child in trunk. Caution - Driver legally blonde! Caution – Driver runs with scissors. Caution – I drive like you do. Caution – Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly. Caution - Vehicle sometimes moves sideways. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done. Chastity is curable, if detected early. Chemistry professors never die, they just smell that way. Chevy trucks, Harley Davidsons and blondes – I only ride the best. Clear the road - I'm SIXTEEN! Clones are people 2. The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it. Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage. Come The Rapture, Can I Have Your Car? COMMAND: A suggestion made to a computer. Compost happens. Computer Lie #1: You'll never use all that disk space. Computer programmers know how to use their hardware. Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are. Computers can never replace human stupidity. Conclusion: the place where you got tired of thinking. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. Copywight 2004 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved. Cover me. I’m changing lanes. Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime?? Crime wouldn’t pay if the government ran it. "Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy. Cubicle - a padded cell without a door.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-13-2005 11:11 AM                        Rated R Daddy Farted, and we Can't get out! Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk? Dain bramaged. Dear God... Protect me from your followers. Death to all fanatics! "DEL *.*" = 100 % compression. Demons are a Ghoul's best Friend. Depression - anger without enthusiasm. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular? Did anyone see my lost carrier? Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe? Dinner not ready: (A)bort (R)etry (P)izza. Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else have your way. Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!' till you can find a rock. Do I look like a freaking people person? Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer? Do not disturb - already disturbed! Do they ever shut up on your planet? Do you think you could drive better if you stuck that phone UP YOUR ASS? Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? Does the reverse side also have a reverse side? Does your train of thought have a caboose? Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected? Dog and wife missing. Reward for dog. Don’t assume malice for what stupidity can explain. Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out. Don't blame me - I'm from Uranus. Don’t bother me – I’m living happily ever after. Don't confuse me with facts, my mind's already made up! Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink. Don't drive faster than your angel can fly. Don't follow me - I'm lost too. Don't follow me or you'll end up at my place. Don't hit me - my lawyer's in jail. Don’t judge a book by its movie. Don't like my driving? Then quit watching me. Don’t steal – the government hates competition. Don't sweat petty things or pet sweaty things. Don't take life too seriously - you won't get out alive. Don't talk unless you can improve the silence. Don’t think and drive. Don't worry about avoiding temptation - as you grow older, it will avoid you. Don't worry. I forgot your name, too! Double your drive space - delete Windows! Doubt not your wife's wisdom - look who she married! Drink 'til she's cute, but stop before the wedding. Driver carries no cash – he’s married. Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route. Due to recent cutbacks, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off. Due to the outbreak of AIDS, employees will no longer be permitted to kiss the boss's ass.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-13-2005 02:57 PM                        Rated R Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. E Pluribus Modem. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe. Earth first... we'll log the other planets later. Earth is full. Go home. Earth - the insane asylum of the universe. Eat Australian lamb – 100,000 dingos can’t be wrong! Eat well, stay fit, die anyway. Editing is a rewording activity. Energizer bunny arrested – charged with battery. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue... Entropy isn't what it used to be. ERROR 406: file corrupt: config.earth --- reboot universe? (Y/N) Error, no keyboard - press F1 to continue. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed. Eschew obfuscation. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I. Ever stop to think and forget to start again? Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens. Everybody repeat after me - "We are all individuals." Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. Everyone is entitled to my opinion. Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the earth. Everything I need to know about women I learned from my cat. Experience - something you don't get until just after you need it.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-15-2005 08:39 PM                        Rated G FATAL SYSTEM ERROR: Press F13 to continue... Feel lucky? Update your software! Few women admit their age. Fewer men act it. Fight for Peace. File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) Finally 19 and legally able to do everything I’ve been doing since 15. Flashlight - a case for holding dead batteries. Fleece on earth. Good wool to ewe. Flying saucers are real. The Air Force doesn’t exist. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord. FOR SALE - Iraqi rifle. Never fired. Dropped once. Forget about world peace. Visualize using your turn signal. Forget the Joneses. I keep up with the Simpsons. Frankly, Scallop, I Don't Give a Clam. FREE TIBET! (with the purchase of a 44 oz. drink) Freudian slip - when you say one thing but mean your mother. Friendly checkout clerk. Thanks for keeping me that way! Friends don’t let friends drive naked. Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. From a chicken in every pot to a chicken smokin' pot. Gas, Grass or Ass - No One Rides For Free. Gene Police: YOU - Out of the pool! Get In, Sit Down, Shut Up & Hang On. Get off my [#@!$] before I start to like it! Get off my ass, or I will flick a booger on your windshield. Give Blood - Play Hockey. Give me ambiguity or give me something else. Go on. I’ll see you at the next traffic light. God created men and rested. God created women and no-one's rested since! God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier. God may have made man first, but there is always a rough draft before a final copy. God must love stupid people… He made so many of them. Good girls go to heaven. Bad girls go everywhere. Gravity doesn't exist. Earth sucks. Ground beef: A cow with no legs. Grow your own dope - plant a man. Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. Gun Control Means Using Both Hands. Guns don’t kill people, postal workers do.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-15-2005 08:44 PM                        Rated G Half of the people in the world are below average. Hang up and drive! Hangover - the wrath of grapes. Happiness is a belt-fed weapon. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread. hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY? Having a Smoking Section in a restaurant is like having a Peeing Section in a pool. He only likes you because he hasn’t met me yet. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead. He who hesitates is probably right. He who laughs last has the best lawyer. He who laughs last thinks slowest. Heaven won't have me and Hell's afraid I'll take over. Heavily medicated for your safety. He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged. Health – the slowest possible rate at which one can die. Heart Attacks... God's revenge for eating His animal friends. Heck is where people go who don’t believe in gosh. Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned. Hello, officer. Put it on my tab. Help! I Farted and can't roll down my windows! Help keep the kitchen clean - eat out. Help! My reality check bounced! Help nature, don't breathe. Help stamp out and eradicate superfluous redundancy. Help starve a feeding bureaucrat. Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply. Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes? Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's hand grenades I throw... Hire a teenager now - while they still know everything. Hit me – I need money. The Ho Chi Minh Trail led to the White House. Hold a hard drive to your ear -- listen to the C: Honk if you are stupid enough to actually read the backs of people’s cars and then do what it tells you to do. Honk if you hate noise pollution. Honk if you love peace and quiet. Horn broken – watch for finger. House guarded by SHOTGUN 3 nights a week. You guess which 3. Housework done properly can kill you. How can I miss you if you won't go away? How can my checking account be overdrawn? I still have checks! How come abbreviated is such a long word? How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him? How do I set a laser printer to stun? How do you tell when you've run out of invisible ink? How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hands. How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost? How many times do I have to flush before you go away? Hug a logger - you will never go back to trees. Humpty Dumpty was pushed.  |  IP: Logged System Notices Forum Watchdog / Soup Nazi Posts: 215 Registered: Apr 2004 posted 02-21-2007 05:16 PM                 It has been 432 days since the last post.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-21-2007 05:16 PM                        Rated G LAS in CT. A bumper sticker for both parties. FINALLY, someone has come out with a 100% bipartisan political bumper sticker..The hottest selling bumper sticker comes from New York state . ........... "RUN HILLARY RUN" Democrats put it on the rear bumper. Republicans put it on the front bumper.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-28-2007 01:23 PM                        Rated G BUMPER STICKER SNICKERS "If at first you don't succeed... Blame someone else and seek counseling." "Cleverly disquised as a responsible Adult." " Illiterate? Write for help" "I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person." "Where are we going and why am I in this handbasket?" " I haven't lost my mind, it's backed up on a disk somewhere."  |  IP: Logged System Notices Forum Watchdog / Soup Nazi Posts: 215 Registered: Apr 2004 posted 04-11-2008 12:07 PM                 It has been 407 days since the last post.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-11-2008 12:07 PM                        Rated G B.B. Bumper Sticker Snickers If At First You Don't Succeed ... Blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away? Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-11-2008 12:15 PM                        Rated G B.B. Women Bumper Stickers COFFEE,CHOCOLATE,MEN... SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH . DON'T TREAT ME ANY DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU WOULD THE QUEEN. I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN AND I HAVE A GUN. WARNING: I HAVE AN ATTITUDE AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT. DO NOT START WITH ME. YOU WILL NOT WIN. ALL STRESSED OUT AND NO ONE TO CHOKE. IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-24-2008 01:38 PM                        Rated G Charles Bumper sticker spotted in Nashville. "Do you believe in love at first sight, or shall I drive by again?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-02-2008 06:47 AM                        Rated G Jokester Bumper Sticking Watching Bush: End of an Error That's OK, I Wasn't Using My Civil Liberties Anyway Let's Fix Democracy in this Country First If You Want a Nation Ruled By Religion, Move to Iran Bush. Like a Rock. Only Dumber. If You Can Read This, You're Not Our President Hey, Bush Supporters: Embarrassed Yet? George Bush: Creating the Terrorists Our Kids Will Have to Fight America: One Nation, Under Surveillance They Call Him "W" So He Can Spell It Jail to the Chief No, Seriously, Why Did We Invade Iraq? We Need a President Who's Fluent In At Least One Language We're Making Enemies Faster Than We Can Kill Them Is It Vietnam Yet? Bush Doesn't Care About White People, Either Where Are We Going? And Why Are We In This Handbasket? When Bush Took Office, Gas Was $1.46 Pray For Impeachment The Republican Party: Our Bridge to the 11th Century What Part of "Bush Lied" Don't You Understand? 2004: Embarrassed. 2005: Horrified. 2006: Terrified Bush Never Exhaled At Least Nixon Resigned  |  IP: Logged

All times are Central (GMT -6:00)

This topic comprises 2 pages: 1  2

Printer-friendly view of this topic

Hop To: Select a Forum: Category: Operations -------------------- Digital Cinema Forum Film Handlers' Forum Large Format Forum Ground Level Feature Info, Trailer Attachments & REAL Credit Offsets Category: Community -------------------- Film-Yak Film Handlers' Movie Reviews The Afterlife Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon Category: Classified -------------------- Equipment and Supplies Wanted/For Sale Help Wanted/Seeking Employment Category: System -------------------- Software Beta Testing Forum

The Film-Tech Forums are designed for various members related to the cinema industry to express their opinions, viewpoints and testimonials on various products, services and events based upon speculation, personal knowledge and factual information through use, therefore all views represented here allow no liability upon the publishers of this web site and the owners of said views assume no liability for any ill will resulting from these postings. The posts made here are for educational as well as entertainment purposes and as such anyone viewing this portion of the website must accept these views as statements of the author of that opinion and agrees to release the authors from any and all liability.