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A Fast End to Osama!

Take all American women who are within five years of menopause - train us for a few weeks, outfit us with automatic weapons, grenades, gas masks,moisturizer with SPF15, Prozac, hormones, chocolate, and canned tuna - drop us (parachuted, preferably) across the landscape of Afghanistan, and let us do what comes naturally.

Think about it. Our anger quotient alone, even when doing standard stuff like grocery shopping and paying bills, is formidable enough to make even armed men in turbans tremble. We've had our children, we would gladly suffer or die to protect them and their future. We'd like to get away from our husbands, if they haven't left already. And for those of us who are single, the prospect of finding a good man with whom to share life is about as likely as being struck by lightning. We have nothing to lose.

We've survived the water diet, the protein diet, the carbohydrate diet, and the grapefruit diet in gyms and saunas across America and never lost a pound. We can easily survive months in the hostile terrain of Afghanistan with no food at all!

We've spent years tracking down our husbands or lovers in bars, hardware stores, or sporting events...finding bin Laden in some cave will be no problem. Uniting all the warring tribes of Afghanistan in a new government? Oh, please ... we've planned the seating arrangements for in-laws and extended families at Thanksgiving dinners for years ... we understand tribal warfare.

Between us, we've divorced enough husbands to know every trick there is for how they hide, launder, or cover up bank accounts and money sources. We know how to find that money and we know how to seize it ... with or without the government's help!

Let us go and fight. The Taliban hates women. Imagine their terror as we crawl like ants with hot-flashes over their godforsaken terrain.

And now (drum roll) in deference to Joe:

Something senseless.

If we took bin Laden and put him in the cactus wheel, he'd come out of hiding in no time since trees that dance don't do push ups. Then we could go to all others who would hurt us and give them a copy of Windows XP and then watch them destroy themselves ha ha.

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Techinclur turban brain wrap Laden attached turn mut high warped spedd whheeee! Turne Laden to Miss Piggie curly tail pignose... Oink oink Delivrance. Oh Kermieee. Sweatlodge peyote Eagle shit in eye. Haaaaa Bush people in KiwiLanddon't drop bombs. LIzardman live in caves. Use ferrets and wasals with tiny radios. Penguin was right!!!

BUshman:
They misunderestimate me.
I am a pitbull on the pant leg
Of opportunity.
I know that the human being
And the fish
Can coexist.

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