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This topic comprises 2 pages: 1 2
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Author
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Topic: Things you like to say but never do.
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Michael Brown
Phenomenal Film Handler
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Posts: 1522
From: Bradford, England
Registered: May 2001
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posted 07-20-2003 04:27 PM
1) I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
2) I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3) How about never? Is never good for you?
4) I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5) I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6) I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7) I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
8) I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9) It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
10) Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
11) I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
12) You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13) I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.
14) I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15) I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16) Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17) The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18) Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19) What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20) I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21) It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22) Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23) And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
24) Do I look like a people person?
25) This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26) I started out with nothing & still have most of it left!
27) Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28) If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29) Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30) Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed it.
31) I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
32) A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33) Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
34) Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
35) How do I set a laser printer to stun?
36) I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
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Evans A Criswell
Phenomenal Film Handler
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Posts: 1579
From: Huntsville, AL, USA
Registered: Mar 2000
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posted 07-21-2003 09:38 AM
quote: I guess if I shut up I might have a better chance of getting married.
Bobby, don't you know that marriage is the chief cause of divorce in this country?
In our local large mall, Madison Square Mall, I used to get bugged a lot by those people that do surveys all the time. They'd wait at the bottom of the escalator for people to come down so there would be no way to avoid them. I once wanted to ask one of them, "Are you doing this because you're too stupid to do anything else?" but I didn't. People that go to the mall infrequently probably aren't bothered by them, but since I go there and walk around for exercise a good bit, I get annoyed walking past them several times in an hour.
I've wanted to say something to people in stores that are programmed to give off a "false friendliness" statement. Since I go in a lot of stores frequently, changes in policy for the staff are very obvious. There was this CD store called "Tape World" that I used to go in, and suddenly one day, all of the staff would come up to me and say "Hello. Welcome to Tape World." (and some other stuff too that I can't remember (often "Can I help you find anything?"). After about 3 times, I was tempted to respond,
"Polly wanna cracker?"
or
"I come in here several times a week. You don't have to do that when you see me."
or
"New policy?"
I never did because I didn't want to piss off these people. I could always tell when someone was new because they'd use these lines on me a couple of times until they got where they recognized me.
As for "Can I help you find anything?" Maybe I should respond "Not now, I'm just looking, but if I can help YOU find anything, let me know." Record (CD) stores used to have older people in them that knew a lot more about different types of music. Back in the 1980s, I could visit almost any record store and the people working there knew a lot more about music than they do now. Nowadays, the high-school aged people working in these stores know nothing except about the few types of music they listen to. If I'm in one of these stores and hear an older person asking about stuff from the 50s through the 80s, I can usually always help them a lot better than the people in the stores. Many times, I can name the specific CDs that have the song they want and can find them more quickly than the store people can. Most youngsters have never heard of most of the 50s and 60s artists.
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