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Author Topic: Any Steven Wright fans here? Michael Barry Jedi Master Film Handler Posts: 584 From: Sydney, NSW, Australia Registered: Nov 1999 posted 04-13-2005 01:18 AM                     I went to see the standup comedian Steven Wright last night for the first time, and there's a relevant joke that I wanted to share here. 'The other night I went out to return a movie. The theatre management were very upset'.  |  IP: Logged Wolff King Morrow Master Film Handler Posts: 490 From: Denton, TX, USA Registered: Feb 2004 posted 04-13-2005 01:43 AM                        Yup I'm a fan. I remember he was the "guy on the couch" in the movie Half Baked, and was also a radio personality in Reservoir Dogs.  |  IP: Logged Brian Michael Weidemann Expert cat molester Posts: 944 From: Costa Mesa, CA United States Registered: Feb 2004 posted 04-13-2005 03:29 AM                        Definitely! He was a pilot in So I Married An Axe Murderer. "Oh, sure, I do this all the time ... I've never done it at night." Also he had a 10 second bit in the beginning of Mixed Nuts, which is one of my favorite parts of that movie. A couple of his stand-up bits I recall ... "Whenever I fill out a form with 'In case of emergency, notify:', I put 'doctor'. What the hell's my mother going to do?" "It's funny the way they wrap straws ... after all, it's the inside I want clean." Well, I guess there's something lost in the translation. It's totally his vocal cadence that makes the humor. Great, great stuff.  |  IP: Logged James Faber Film Handler Posts: 66 From: Des Moines, Iowa , USA Registered: Nov 2004 posted 04-13-2005 04:29 AM                        Stephen Wright is great. He was also the guy who did the voice of the DJ in Reservior Dogs. I don't know if you guys already knew that Mitch Hedburg died(if you've even heard of him). I got to see him about 2 months ago. Glad I got to see him before he went.  |  IP: Logged Bobby Henderson "Ask me about Trajan." Posts: 10973 From: Lawton, OK, USA Registered: Apr 2001 posted 04-13-2005 10:30 AM                     Steven Wright is great. His jokes are funny as hell and his unique deadpan delivery adds an odd dimension to it. "I bought some powdered water, but I didn't know what to add." "I accidentally put my car key into my house door lock and it started up. I drove my house around and then decided to park it in the middle of the highway. Traffic backed up. I opened my door and told all those people to get the hell out of my driveway."  |  IP: Logged Jeremy Fuentes Mmmm, Dr. Pepper! Posts: 1168 From: Corpus Christi, TX United States Registered: Jan 2004 posted 04-13-2005 10:39 AM                     "I saw a lady with a furcoat and I asked her what kind of fur it was. She said, squirrell. I said, my God he must have been huge."  |  IP: Logged Mike Blakesley Film God Posts: 12767 From: Forsyth, Montana Registered: Jun 99 posted 04-13-2005 11:12 AM                        I'm a Steven Wright fan too. "You can't have everything...where would you put it?" "I got a cordless extension cord." "You know that feeling you get when you tip yourself back on two legs of your chair and you almost fall but just at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time." "I moved into a new house but it didn't have electricity ... lucky thing my camera had a flash. I wanted to make a sandwich, I had to take 60 pictures of my kitchen." "Having sex with Rachel was amazing. It was like a concert. She yells a lot; she throws frisbees around the room; and when she wants more, she lights a match." "My uncle is a millionaire. He's the guy who designed that diagram that shows you how to put batteries in something." "It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it." I'm also a Mitch Hedberg fan. I didn't know Hedberg died until I saw it in Rolling Stone last night. He was hilarious, quite similar to Wright except a much more wired/stoned delivery. "I bought an ant farm....them fellas didn't grow shit!" "I used to have a paper route. I had to go to 2,000 houses...or two dumpsters." His two CDs are available on Comedy Central Records.  |  IP: Logged Phil Hill I love my cootie bug Posts: 7595 From: Hollywood, CA USA Registered: Mar 2000 posted 04-13-2005 05:14 PM                  Steven Wright is really funny. "When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He said, 'I want my daughter back by 8:15.' I said, 'The middle of August? Cool!'" "I replaced the headlights on my car with strobe lights. Now it looks like I'm the only one moving." Some others HERE.  |  IP: Logged Mike Blakesley Film God Posts: 12767 From: Forsyth, Montana Registered: Jun 99 posted 04-13-2005 05:46 PM                        Another few of my favorites: "I have a map of the United States that's actual size. When people ask me where I live, I say 'E-5.' Last summer I folded it." "When I was a baby, I kept a diary. Recently I was re-reading it. It said 'Day 1: Still tired from the move." "I was Ceasarean born. You can't really tell -- except whenever I leave the house I go out through the window." "I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."  |  IP: Logged Brian Michael Weidemann Expert cat molester Posts: 944 From: Costa Mesa, CA United States Registered: Feb 2004 posted 04-14-2005 01:41 AM                        Another favorite I just remembered: "I went home and put a blank tape in the stereo, turned it up full blast. Five minutes later I got my neighbor pounding on the door. He's a mime."  |  IP: Logged Jesse Skeen Phenomenal Film Handler Posts: 1517 From: Sacramento, CA Registered: Aug 2000 posted 04-14-2005 02:04 AM                     I borrowed some records from my friend and taped them, but I had the cords connected the wrong way so I erased all his records. (Don't know if that's Steven Wright, but same sorta humor.)  |  IP: Logged Dave Williams Wet nipple scene Posts: 1836 From: Salt Lake City, UT, USA Registered: Jan 2000 posted 04-20-2005 05:13 PM                        Steven Wright is more than just funny, he is also an Academy Award Winner as well... check him out at his website at.. www.stevenwright.com ciao  |  IP: Logged Mike Blakesley Film God Posts: 12767 From: Forsyth, Montana Registered: Jun 99 posted 04-21-2005 12:59 PM                        "I'd like to do my imitation of bowling.... (he drags the microphone across the stage for a few seconds) ...Gutter."  |  IP: Logged John Wilson Film God Posts: 5438 From: Sydney, Australia. Registered: Dec 1999 posted 04-22-2005 12:57 AM                     I saw a sign on a lamp post...it said "LOST: $20 note. Reward offered. If found...keep it"  |  IP: Logged Josh Jones Redhat Posts: 1207 From: Plano, TX Registered: Apr 2000 posted 04-25-2005 01:02 AM                        I LOVE Steven Wright. His dry sense of humor is right up my alley. "I don't have a fear of heights, I have a fear of widths. I walk my dog around the ledge of my building." JJ  |  IP: Logged

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