Royally pissed-off customer!

[Randy Stankey]

Consider the Asch Conformity Experiment. That's the experiment where groups of people were asked to look at diagrams of different length lines and decide which were longer or sorter. The trick was that all but one of the participants were hired stooges, instructed to say that one of the lines was actually shorter or longer than the rest. It was shown that the one, lone, naive subject would actually give the wrong answer if the majority agreed that a given line was longer or shorter, even though it wasn't.

Of course, the study didn't take into account several factors including age, race, gender and social standing between different members of the group. However, the experiment does show that people can be influenced by others. Yes, even sociopaths and narcissists can be influenced. The difference is the way they react. If the group reacts one way but the narcissist acts differently, the group can actually influence the "bad" person to go elsewhere. If that person doesn't get the narcissistic supply they want, they'll look for it some place else.

If we take the example of the person who started the commotion that OP was talking about, when she didn't get her way, she stormed out and claimed that she was going to call the cops or something. I forget what was actually said but I'm too lazy to go back and read. Regardless, she went away claiming that she'd have her revenge... which never happened.

The bottom line is to draw your line and stand on it. Be as polite and diplomatic as you can. Try to offer alternate solutions but, when they aren't accepted, don't let the other "bad" person get your goat. That's what they are trying to do, especially if they are a narcissist. Instead, use group influence (the rest of the audience) to pressure the person to either conform or leave. Many times, you won't even have to tell the person to leave. When they don't get their emotional supply, they'll leave on their own. It is a small percentage of people, even dysfunctional people, who actually thrive on acrimony, who won't leave on their own.

Ninety nine percent of the time, it is sufficient to simply say, "I'm sorry but the foot is down..." and group let influence take it from there.

[Ryan Gallagher]

I often feel people who react that way go about life argument to argument or crisis to crisis... they will talk big in the moment and get really defensive... but I guarantee the fact Mike took the time to post about the incident here meant he was carrying the memory of it for far longer than the other person did. They were onto the next crisis within hours and Mike and his rules were a distant memory to them.

There is a lesson for us who tend to dwell on such interactions there too. Stress is still stress even if the original cause is long gone.

[Bobby Henderson]

Consider the Asch Conformity Experiment. That's the experiment where groups of people were asked to look at diagrams of different length lines and decide which were longer or sorter. The trick was that all but one of the participants were hired stooges, instructed to say that one of the lines was actually shorter or longer than the rest. It was shown that the one, lone, naive subject would actually give the wrong answer if the majority agreed that a given line was longer or shorter, even though it wasn't.

The Asch Conformity Experiment is something of an extreme example, but the practice of speaking and behaving in an acceptable manner out in public places is its own sort of conformity. If a person is raised right, having things like good manners (or honesty, integrity, etc) would be something they would practice by choice.

I think the problem we have now is so many people are experiencing the in-person group effect less often and choosing their own flavor of "socializing" online. At an in-person group setting I don't anyone could freely talk about desires of going on a shooting spree inside an office or school without other people in the room calling them on their shit or even calling the cops. That's an extreme example. But people who have violent fantasies can find rabbit holes online where like-minded nut-jobs can share their ideas.

The online world is full of echo-chambers where people can share comments and opinions with other people who parrot the same thing. Socializing in the real world isn't as easy. Saying something controversial might invite some disagreement. People are lazy and don't want to put up with that. But the habit of frequenting "safe spaces" where one finds only agreement (in a virtual setting) sets the person up for greater disappointment in real life when they don't get what they want.

These badly behaved people in a movie theater are like spoiled brat kids that never got their ass beat with a belt before.

[Ryan Gallagher]

The Asch Conformity Experiment is something of an extreme example, but the practice of speaking and behaving in an acceptable manner out in public places is its own sort of conformity. If a person is raised right, having things like good manners (or honesty, integrity, etc) would be something they would practice by choice.

I think the problem we have now is so many people are experiencing the in-person group effect less often and choosing their own flavor of "socializing" online. At an in-person group setting I don't anyone could freely talk about desires of going on a shooting spree inside an office or school without other people in the room calling them on their shit or even calling the cops. That's an extreme example. But people who have violent fantasies can find rabbit holes online where like-minded nut-jobs can share their ideas.

The online world is full of echo-chambers where people can share comments and opinions with other people who parrot the same thing. Socializing in the real world isn't as easy. Saying something controversial might invite some disagreement. People are lazy and don't want to put up with that. But the habit of frequenting "safe spaces" where one finds only agreement (in a virtual setting) sets the person up for greater disappointment in real life when they don't get what they want.

These badly behaved people in a movie theater are like spoiled brat kids that never got their ass beat with a belt before.

Since it's a recent memory, I'll just add that kids attending movies with their parents do not have the same behavioral expectations from their parents as when I used to do that as a child!!

Basically if there are empty seats parents these days seem more than happy to let their young ones adventure around the theatre and sit separately from the family. So much so we have to be mindful about closing the rolling stage left fire-door to barricade them away from the screen and stage area. That shit never would have flown when I was a kid, you had to wait till you were old enough to go on your own or get dropped off at the movies to sit away from the family. The best I could manage as a child was switching seats with another family member to avoid sitting behind some tall dude, but good luck getting dad to give up his aisle seat. lol

This behavior change might even be more true now on films parents are attempting to enjoy (let their own kids go be annoying in some other row)?

I was reminded of this difference recently for a 1200 seat sold out screening of Home Alone. We are still GA except for a small donor reserved section in the balcony. Kids were literally everywhere until it started to fill up. They often find the climb to the back rows of the upper balcony most appealing, right next to me, but other than the pre-show disturbances of treating the theatre like a jungle gym, i'm not privy to how well they behave once the film starts, thankfully not my department... unless something was so egregious that I find out about it via the gossip channels.

Perhaps assigned seating avoids this in most modern cinemas.

[Frank Cox]

Today's Regina Leader Post newspaper:

Rude phone user at Christmas concert

Recently, I attended the Regina Catholic High Schools choir concert at the Conexus Arts Centre. It was a full house and the talent and excitement of the performers was wonderful to see. The music teachers certainly deserve credit for their dedication and instruction.

Unfortunately, what should have been a very enjoyable concert was spoiled by the inconsiderate and annoying man beside us who played on his phone the entire evening.

This was no 12-year old child. He was a 40-something man — perhaps a parent of one of the singers. When asked to put the phone away, he scowled at us and attempted to shield the light from the phone with one hand while he continued to play on it with the other hand.

The continual flashing of the light from the phone was extremely distracting. The next time you attend a performance of any kind, please put that that phone away so the people in neighbouring seats can enjoy the show without distraction.

Ken Linnen, Regina

[Mike Blakesley]

Thankfully *most* parents here are pretty good about making their kids behave. We used to have one family where the mom and dad would sit at opposite ends of a row and let the little rug-rats race back and forth till we told them they had to siddown and shuddup.

My absolute least favorite thing, though, is to have to tell an adult to shut up. If they've had a few beers, they get embarrassed and comply, usually, but if they're older, watch out. They get way more defensive than kids do. Once there was an old guy and his wife, they were just carrying on a conversation like they were in front of their TV at home. I finally had to go tell them to please keep it to a whisper. They were mad, and never came to another movie again.

[Randy Stankey]

When I was a kid, going to the movies with my family, it was a big deal for us to sit apart from our patents. IF we had "good" behavior, we would be "allowed" to sit one or two rows in front of our parents to be "by ourselves" but still in a place where they could keep an eye on us. It was like getting a feather in our caps when that happened!

Back in the day, when I still lived in the bar, there would be the occasional customer who might get a little bit loud after a few beers. One way the bartender handled it was to get the guy's attention, put a hand over the heart then make a "keep it down" hand signal, followed by a thumbs up. Redneck sign language for "Please quiet down, thank you!" It worked because it got the message across in a way that gave the guy a chance to save face unless he didn't listen... in which case, he would be told, "Hey, Buddy! I told you to quitet down! Shut up or go home!" I can only remember one time when it went beyond that stage. I think I already told that story.

[James Wyrembelski]

They were mad, and never came to another movie again.

I've got one or two I wish would react like that.

I remember when I first started doing this I would panic over the *tiniest* of noises or things I thought would be disruptive to others. Turns out, people are way more oblivious to things going on around them than I ever expected. But learning how to gauge truly disruptive behavior vs turning into a tyrant takes a minute.

Kids are easy to reprimand if they are there alone. Swiftly appearing out of the shadows usually scares them enough to rectify the situation (and can be a little amusing). But if they are directly next to parents....Its so awkward in my opinion.

[Randy Stankey]

For kids, it's, "Where are your parents?"

Remember, minors can't be in a theater without their parents or, at least, their parents' explicit permission, which you should have been made aware of in one fashion or another. If it's an R-rated feature, their parents must be present.

You, as a stranger, can't discipline somebody else's kids beyond the standard scolding, "Please be quiet," or "Go sit down." IF it goes beyond that, you can take them to their parents and explain the situation, at which time, THEY become responsible for disciplining their own kids. If the parents don't take appropriate action, it is THEY who are, now, in jeopardy. IF they don't discipline their kids for misbehaving in public, then you can eject the parents AND the kids.

If they are kids who were dropped off at the theater without theater staff's knowledge, that's "abandonment." Isn't it? If kids misbehave at your theater after their parents abandoned them then you can call the police. I don't know about your family but, if I ever got taken home to my parents in a squad car, I'd be in a world of shit!



(The term "abandonment" is hyperbole on my part.)